The Librarian
by Slasher99
Summary: Destiel Fanfic, Warning! AU story, One day in the Valentine's Day Castiel bumps into a guy named Dean, Meg bets that Dean can't make Castiel fall in love with him, Will Dean win the bet or he will lose it and his heart too in the process?
1. Valentine's Days Sucks

It was Valentine's Day, Castiel used to hate those days that just remind him of how alone he was, being a librarian was good though, it was a job that provided him some stability and some seclusion from the rest of the world.

Castiel was sitting still in a table close to the window, a waitress with long dark hair stopped to take his order with a gentle smile.

"Good morning, my name's Meg," she says, taking her note pad out of her apron "What will it be, sugar?"

Castiel blushed, making sure to hide his "Wuthering Heights" copy between his lap and the table. He knew that it was supposed to be a lady's book, but he couldn't help but love the romance and tragedy. "I'll have two fried eggs and bacon."

"Ok, two fried eggs and bacon coming up" says Meg, taking note and returning to the kitchen. As she walked away, Castiels' phone rang, it was his sister, Rachel.

For one second, he thought about picking it up or not. His sister was dear to him but her happiness somehow hurt him, was it jealousy or envy?

"Hello?" He just picked up, instead of fretting like a little girl.

"Cas, I need your help with a gift," says Rachel happily "It's Valentine Day!"

"I know, Rachel." Castiel replied, rubbing his hand together to find some warmth. He missed his bed, If he could, he would lay in his bed all day long and shield himself from all the world. "Do I have to help you pick a gift to Sam? You know I don't like this holiday, actually I don't like ANY holiday."

"Come on, Cas!" she says joyfully "I need your help!"

"Ok-Ok," mumbled Castiel under his breath, he knew it would make him feel worse, why did he torture himself like this? It was a mystery even to himself "But I really don't know which gift Sam would like it."

"He always borrow books from you," Rachel continues after a pause, "You know which type of book Sam likes"

"Are you going to try to hook me up with some other guy, again?" says Castiel with a smile while Meg placed his plate on the table with a smile and walked away. After his break up, it was right to say that he was broken – in pieces would be a better world to define it. "No," Rachel says, trying to hide her true intentions, "You just need to breathe fresh air and meet new people, and I really need your help, Cas."

"Rachel, you know I don't like when you try to hook me up with some guy!" says Castiel in reply, resting his book on the table now, so he can cut his fried eggs easier, wishing that this strange pain would go away with a few bites, like his hunger. But Castiel knew that a broken heart can't be mended with food, or sex, or any silly, romantic book.

"Well," she says after a soft laugh, "I promise I won't try to hook you up with anybody this time."

"Ok, I know I'll regret this." Castiel breathed deeply, knowing he would regret making that choice "In the mall, right?"

"Yes, in two hours," says Rachel happily, "Meet me in the food court close to Burger King."

"Ok, I'll be there," says Castiel, eating his bacon and thinking to himself, would this pain one day go away? If he could love again or at least fake it.

"Thank you, Cas!" says Rachel, hanging up happily.

By now, Castiel had eaten his food and prepared to leave. While walking though the door he bumped into a guy, dropping his book by his feet

"I'm sorry," he says, this guy smiled and picked the book up for him, his deep green eyes found Castiels' and they both smiled.

Castiel ducked his eyes slowly, tracing Dean's outlines. Suddenly that pain became more bearable, as if it didn't matter anymore, is this love at first sight?

"Oh, Wuthering Heights! That's a good book, actually the only one I read to the end." He continued with a soft smile.

"Oh … Huh … Yes, it's tragic," says Castiel, taking his book from the mans' hands, causing them to touch slightly. Castiel felt a spark, tiny and shy but nevertheless a spark that lit him up, like a lighthouse on the dark, velvet storm, guiding him home.

"But you know, I think that was her fault." says the man, smiling again, "Once you find love you must never let it go."

"I-I think the same" says Castiel blushing slightly, was this man flirting with him? Castiel wished he was, for one moment it looked like the world was wonderful and he was fearless - but reality stroked him down, fast and hard. Castiel extended his hand "I'm Castiel, sorry about bumping into you."

"That's all right," says the man, shaking Castiel's hand with both of his. "I'm Dean … Wait, aren't you the librarian on the Municipal Robert Blucher's library?"

"Yes, I am," says Castiel, embarrassed. _How does he know me? Did I give him a book recommendation or something__? _It was a mix of fear and wonder that hovered on the air, "Why?"

"Oh, my brother Sammy is a really bookish guy," says Dean, still shaking Castiel's hand, "he told me about the place, and about a guy that gave him the best book recommendations."

"Oh, you're Sam's brother?" asks Castiel, remembering Sam saying something about his brother; how could he forget all about it? Sam loved to read about ghosts and the supernatural, "He likes fiction and thriller books, right?"

"Yeah," Dean says, laughing softly. He thought the way Castiel said it was cute, "I'm sorry, I'm talking too much, anyway … nice book, see you around, Castiel… Right?"

"Yes," says Castiel, blushing a little, he felt a strange attraction for Dean, the kind of attraction than can't be explained by words, a skin attraction, a dangerous attraction to the unknown, maybe it was just an animal attraction "See you around then."

Dean patted Castiel on his shoulder and entered the restaurant while Castiel left. _Sam's brother is really a hot guy. What am I thinking? I don't really have a chance with him. _Castiel considered himself an ugly duckling, a seclude and above all, a misfit.

* * *

"Come on Meg, tell me!" Dean pleads, sitting on a table, the diner was almost empty.

"No, Dean!" says Meg, pouring his coffee "Would you like that I tell others that you like boys? Huh?"

"I like boys AND girls," Dean says, grinning, it wasn't a shame for him sleep with boy or girls. It was just a matter of beauty, or a matter of how much lust he had at the moment. "I just don't tell everybody, _and_ this is different."

"Why is this different?" she asked, innocently, sitting in the other side of the table. Meg knew Dean very well, she was the kind of girl that fell under the radar – pretty, but easily dismissed for a prettier girl.

"Because I don't have a gaydar like you!" Whispered Dean, hiding his mouth with his hand. Dean valued his "little secrets" like having cheated on his ex-girlfriend and having more sexual adventures that he wanted so he could live up to his reputation

"And I'm supposed to tell if he is gay to you because ..?" Whispered Meg in the same manner as Dean. She liked to play cat and mouse, of course she always saw herself as the cat.

"Because I'm your type, of course." Dean says, resting his back on the chair and smiling. He knew Meg had a bit of crush on him, but she would never admit it.

Meg laughed, "You are so cocky, you aren't my type." She lied like a pro; she could lie about anything, anytime and anywhere about anybody.

"Then what about this?" Dean cajoles, waving a fifty dollar bill in front of. He knew how to get answers from Meg, Dean knew what kind of girl she was – a bad girl with a good taste for money.

"Ok," Meg says, simply taking the note and putting it away in her pocket. She was as sharp as a razor, she could tell you anything about anyone, including sexual preferences, "he's gay."

"I knew it!" Dean cheers, feeling like he won the lottery. It was funny how he liked going out with hot girls but he liked goody-two-shoes in guys, "This must be my lucky day."

"Wait," Meg wagged her finger at him, she was a little incredulous about Dean's show of happiness, "Is he your type?"

"Yeah, he's a cute guy," Dean drunk his coffee nonchalantly. Dean knew it wasn't love; he wanted to have some fun with his type of guy for a change, "Are you blind?"

"So you have a librarian kink?" mocked Meg, laughing. It was funny – Dean was really superficial sometimes, "So what's your next step, Hunter?"

"Well, I didn't think about it…" Says Dean resting his cup on the table. He needed to be smart with Castiel but Dean knew what he wanted and he would get it, "I should meet up with him, get to know him better."

"I bet you can't … 'get to know him better'," Says Meg, wagging her eyebrows suggestively and wavering a fifty dollar bill in front of Dean's face, exactly as Dean has done earlier. She loved to tease Dean to do crazy and impulsive things that later would become her own tales, "fifty bucks says you can't."

"Oh, yeah I can," Dean smiles, filled with lust and enthusiasm, it had been a while since he got to play Hunter and Prey. "Prepare to lose your money, Meg."

"I heard he is going to be at the mall later." Says Meg smiling, Dean grinned.

"That's good. You'll see, Meg" Dean replies, standing up and putting his money on the table.

"Hey!" Meg says, suddenly, stopping him with her hand on his chest, "You know that your brother doesn't know that you like boys, what if he finds out?"

"He won't find out," says Dean, taking her hand and kissing it, "I'm sure … You, Castiel and I can keep a secret, right?"

" Ok," Says Meg laughing, "Pics it or it didn't happen!"

"Ok, I will," says Dean, leaving the diner and walking to his black motorcycle. _That will be fun_ he thought, while starting the engine, _I love hunting_.


	2. First Date

"Came on Rachel" Said Castiel carrying two bags in each hand "You already brought too many things."

"Cas" Said she pulling him close by his tie "Let's have coffee now, you are getting too grumpy."

"Ok" Said Castiel while sitting on the chair and resting her bags on the floor, Rachel sited in front of him with a smile

"Aren't you happy that you came with me?" Asked she waving at the waitress

"I guess" Said he smiling, Castiel loved his sister, but sometimes she could be a brat

"Thank you" He said to the waitress "Give me a cappuccino, please."

"Bring me one too, please" Said Castiel smiling, the waitress took note and turned away with a smile

"Isn't she your type?" Asked Rachel laughing softly

"You know I don't go out with girls" Whispered Castiel blushing

"That's a waste of a cute guy" Said Rachel smiling "Well, you could… maybe you like it."

"Rachel!" Said Castiel embarrassed "I don't need you hooking me up."

"Ok" Said Rachel smiling "But I feel kind of sad when I see you all alone."

"I told you I don't like holidays" Said Castiel resting his face on the table "I'm not all alone"

"You sure look like it" Said Rachel lifting his chin up "Do you want to spend the holidays in my house?"

"No!" Said Castiel surprised "Why are you asking me that?"

"I don't know, maybe its Sam's influence" Said Rachel smiling "He likes his Brother Dean so much that I'm a little envious of their relationship."

"You shouldn't be" Said Castiel resting his back on the chair and yawning "We are fine."

"Sam's brother is a handsome guy" Continued Rachel pretending she wasn't trying to hook him up with Dean "And he is single."

"You don't even know if he is gay" Said Castiel crossing his arms

"Neither do you" Said Rachel smiling "I'll introduce you two tomorrow."

"No need" Said Castiel looking at the cup of coffee that the waitress just placed on the table "I've already met him."

"When?" Said Rachel while the waitress went away "He is really handsome, isn't he?"

"On the dinner this morning" Said Castiel looking to his coffee "and, yes, he is handsome, but I don't think he is gay."

"That's a pity" Said Rachel smiling and caressing Castiel's hair

"Rachel?" Asked Dean walking towards her "Is that you?"

"Dean!" Said Rachel smiling "Come on, sit with us."

"Dean!" Said Castiel while Dean sat by his side "How are you doing?"

"I'm good" Said Dean resting a book on the table the Wuthering Height "I wanted to re-reading it."

"That's nice" Said Castiel embarrassed, maybe because Dean was extremely close to him, or maybe because Dean rested his arm on his shoulder

"Oh, that Cas's favorite book" Said Rachel smiling "He read that like a thousand times."

"Really?" Asked Dean griming like he didn't know that already, it was just a game, the right bait to get the right prey

"Y-yes" Stammered Castiel blushing like a little lamb "I've been r-reading it."

"That's good, which scene is your favorite?" Said Dean looking at Castiel's eyes for one long second Dean's green eyes met Castiel's blue eyes and everything was just silence

"The scene where Heathcliff and Cathy talk about their love" Said Castiel with a smile, he was feeling uncomfortable somehow

"You mean the scene in her bedroom?" Asked Dean smiling, Castiel couldn't tell if Dean was making small talk or was actually flirting with him.

"Y-Yes" Said Castiel smiling, Dean was really close to him, so close that Castiel could feel his perfume, it was a woody smell, but it made him feel good

"Guys…" Said Rachel padding Dean's hand on the table "I'm leaving; Sam is waiting for me on the parking lot."

"Oh, Is Sammy here?" Said Dean taking some distance from Castiel that now was trying not to look at him

"Yes, on the parking lot" Said Rachel taking her bags off the floor

"I'll help you" Said Castiel, but Rachel touched his nose lightly and smiled

"No, you can finish your talk with Dean" Said she turning away and walking towards the parking lot

Dean smiled and gave Castiel's shoulder a slightly squeeze "That's my favorite scene too."

"Excuse me?" Said Castiel confused, he was still lured by Dean's perfume.

"Your favorite scene" Whispered Dean

"Oh, yes!" Said Castiel lightly touching Dean's hand on the table and immediately taking his hand away "I think that was the best scene."

Dean smiled and looked around, after than he got close to Castiel's ear and whispered "I really like you, Castiel… What about we go somewhere private?"

"I-I don't know" Stammered Castiel again, nervous, he couldn't believe that Dean had some interest in him – "I don't think so"

"That's ok" Whispered Dean again in Castiel's ears, smiling shy "What about a date today?"

"A date?" Repeated Castiel still surprised, who would know Dean liked boys?

"Then is settled… "Said Dean taking his book and writing his number on Castiel's hand "Here, call me later so that we can have some fun."

"Later? " Asked Castiel a little embarrassed

Dean smiled while standing up "I'll be waiting" Dean turned his back and walked away, Castiel smiled and finished his coffee, it took him a while to realize what just happened.

Castiel looked at his hand and smiled again; Dean just gave him his number and its felt good… Too good to be real.

* * *

Castiel was there waiting on the amusement park, it was getting dark. _'Will he come?'_ Thought he nervously walking in circles '_I should have chosen another place; Dean must think I'm immature_.'

Dean parked close to the sideboard and came walking towards Castiel that was too distracted with his thoughts to notice him, Dean was with a white t-shirt, brown leather jacket and black jeans. He stood there looking at Castiel's face with a smile:

"Well" Said Dean playfully "It's looks like Dean blew you off" Castiel smiled and stooped, Dean smiled and continued "What a jerk!"

"Dean!" Said Castiel smiling, he had a good sense of humor "You look hot!"

"Oh, thank you" Said Dean resting his arm on Castiel shoulders and whispering in his ear "Lucky you that I'm around to give you a good time."

Castiel laughed softly and Dean walked him towards the merry-go-around "Wait, are we riding this?"

"Yes" Said Dean in a boyish manner, opening his arms and smiling "Come on, Let's give it a try!"

"Ok" Said Castiel smiling, it was a date after all "But I refuse to ride an unicorn."

"Why not?" Asked Dean mischievous "Aren't you pure enough? "

"Maybe" Replied Castiel sliming, both laughed, and Dean rode a common horse while Castiel rode a blue-ish Seahorse. Castiel smiled like a child and Dean followed his smile with his eyes, thinking how adorable Castiel was on that seahorse, Dean felt like kissing him right there.

When the ride was over Dean and Castiel sat on a table on the feet of the Ferris wheel, Castiel laughed softly again, Dean was surprised that Castiel being a librarian guy could be so cute and adorable, really different from the old women that he was used to see at the library.

"So, why are you single Castiel?" Asked Dean smiling, the hunt was just began

"I don't know… I never care about dating, I guess" Said Castiel looking at the top of the Ferris wheel

"Maybe you didn't find your Heathcliff" Said Dean smiling and looking at Castiel neck, his eyes stood there and went down to Castiel's chest admiring the collar of his t-shirt

"I hope I'll never find him" Said Castiel smiling and now looking at the stars "He was too jealous and revengeful."

"Yes, but only after his heart was broken" Said Dean holding Castiel hand on the table "Heathcliff was the perfect lover."

Castiel shifted his eyes from skies to Dean's face; Dean's eyes were over him, he smiled, was Dean talking about himself?

"That is so cocky of you" Said Castiel laughing

"No, I'm not saying I'm you Heathcliff" Said Dean embarrassed _'Am I too cocky?'_ Thought him "I would never run away from the one I love."

"Not even if it meant to become wanted by the one you love?" Asked Castiel with a suspicious smile

"Never!" Said Dean determined, getting closer to Castiel's face, his lips opened a little, Dean could feel Castiel's smell and it made him want to kiss him more than anything.

"That's good to know" Said Castiel standing up and yawning "I think I need a cup of coffee."

Dean made a surprised face, never before someone resisted to his kiss under the Ferris wheel, Castiel looked at him clueless of what was happening "I think I need some too."

"So come on!" Said Castiel smiling "It's really late, and I'll make a good cup of coffee to you."

"I guess I'm taking you home, then." Said Dean standing up and resting his arm again on Castiel's shoulder _'A hunter knows when to strike'_ thought Dean

"If you don't mind it" Said Castiel smiling politely, Dean smiled back and looked at his eyes _'I really need to kiss you'_ Thought Dean trying to control his urge to do it forcefully right there _'No, Dean… Later, Later'_.


	3. A Stolen Kiss

"Drink it" Said Castiel with a smile, Dean that was on the couch with a cup of coffee in his hand, He sniffed the coffee and drunk a sip of it

"That's really good!" Castiel smiled and sat on a chair in front of Dean "I could drink it every day."

"Thank you" Said Castiel happily "So Dean, you never told me where you live" Continued Castiel pilling some of his books on the coffee table

"I don't have a home" Said Dean with a smile, he seemed proud of it "I'm a road's dog."

"Oh" Said Castiel sitting on the chair again and looking for his glasses "That's uncommon."

"Yeah" Said Dean drinking the coffee "My brother tells me I need to get a job and live an apple pie life like him."

"Well, being a lawyer isn't an apple pie life, Dean" Said Castiel putting his glasses on

"You look cutie with these glasses on" Said Dean resting his cup of coffee on the table and helping Castiel adjust it on his nose "Cuter now."

Castiel smiled "Can you stop your flirting?" Dean smiled a little shy-ish, showing his white teeth

"I can't help it" Said Dean taking his coffee again _'I need to kiss this guy'_ "You didn't kiss me yet."

"Dean, I thought we could be just friends" Said Castiel taking his glasses off and resting it on the book

"You know there's something between us, Castiel" Said Dean resting his cup of coffee again on the table and getting close to Castiel's face "Is it just me?"

Castiel smiled, he felt the same, but he knew Dean was trouble. Something told him that he couldn't trust in Dean, at least not yet "Don't get me wrong, Dean… We have some _chemistry_, but I don't feel comfortable enough to-"

Dean kissed Castiel forcefully, he didn't want to wait, Dean just wanted it so badly that he couldn't restrain himself. Dean's hands held Castiel back while he tried to get some space between them; Castiel kissed him back angrily scratching Dean's back slightly and finally putting some space between them.

"You need to leave now!" Said Castiel turning his back on Dean and opening the door "Dean."

"I'm sorry Castiel" Said Dean holding Castiel by his collar lightly "I'll make up to you."

"Dean" Said Castiel breathing deeply "Out!"

"Come on baby" Said Dean kissing Castiel's neck "I'll promise I'll behave"

"Then keep your hands away from me" Said Castiel pulling Dean away from him

"I'm sorry" Said Dean sitting on the couch again, Castiel closed the door and sat in the chair again

"As I was saying" Said Castiel a little upset, but he liked it, Castiel wasn't willing to say it "I like you, but I don't know you well enough."

"What you want to know?" Asked Dean smiling, he was surprised Castiel would resist his kisses, but he knew Castiel liked it, that thought made him grim wolfishly to himself

"What do you do?" Asked Castiel putting his glasses on again

"I live on the road" Said Dean smiling "My motorcycle can take me anywhere."

"I see" Said Castiel smiling "You are my brother in law, kind of…"

"Yes, I guess" Said Dean smiling _'Does it make me a kinky guy?'_

"Don't you miss to have a home, Dean?" Asked Castiel looking at the coffee table full of books

"No" Said Dean smiling and taking one book from the coffee table "Is that Alice though the mirror? This is a good one; did you read all of these?"

"Yes" Said Castiel smiling proudly "Alice in the wonderland is really a good one too."

"I see, it's about that girl that dream a crazy dream" Said Dean taking another book

Castiel laughed softly "Yes."

"The Count of Monte Cristo, I know that one" Said Dean with a boy-ish smile "it's about a guy that's escapes from prison."

"I thought you didn't read much" Said Castiel smiling, surprised that Dean knew so much about books

"Lisa" He said smiling a little embarrassed "I had a girlfriend, she used to tell me about the books she read."

"I didn't know that you like girls… too" Said Castiel embarrassed, sexuality was a delicate subject to him and Dean was a full of surprises

"I can't really explain that, I guess bisexuality is a confusing thing" Said Dean taking another book from the pile "That's Romeo and Juliet, I like this one."

"Me too" Said Castiel with a smile "Which is your favorite part?" Asked Castiel, he knew Dean wouldn't know how to quote Shakespeare

"It's torture, not mercy. Heaven is here because Juliet lives here." Whispered Dean resting the book on the coffee table again "Every cat and dog and little mouse, every unworthy animal that lives here can see her, but Romeo can't. " Dean smiled victorious while looking at Castiel's surprised face, he knew that he had struck his prey

"That's beautiful" Said Castiel star-eyed, Dean got real close to Castiel and continued

"Flies are healthier and more honorable and better suited for romance than Romeo" Dean gave Castiel a fixed look, more a gaze than a stare and continued whispering "They can take hold of Juliet's wonderful white hand and they can kiss her sweet lips." Dean took Castiel hand in his hands and his lips got closer to Castiel's lips "Even while she remains a pure virgin, she blushes when her lips touch each other because she thinks it's a sin" Castiel smiled, he liked this part, but he knew it was supposed to be a sad line not a romantic one "But Romeo can't kiss her or hold her hand-"

Castiel kissed Dean and stopped him from talking, his hands on Dean's neck grabbing it lightly, Dean's hands grabbed Castiel's hips in a gently way, they tasted each other's tongues for a full minute and Castiel gazed at Dean's eyes with mix of shame and embarrassment "Sorry, I didn't know that you were a Shakespeare fan."

"Don't be sorry" Grimed Dean "I was Romeo at my school's play" he knew how to flirt and knew how to get a bookish guy too "I'm a little rusty tough."

"I see, you just used a non romantic line to flirt with me" Said Castiel smiling softly, Dean held Castiel hand stopping him from getting some space as before "Dean, let me go."

"Cas" Whispered him sweetly as he could "I want you, I know that there's no line or verse in Shakespeare plays as beautiful and great as it is, that can make me your Romeo, but can you give me a shot? "

"Dean… I like you, but I'm not sure what to say" Said Castiel looking at Dean's eyes

"Then don't say anything" Said Dean getting close again and resting his forehead on Castiel's neck

"Dean" Said Castiel while smiling "Do you want to stay for the night?"

"Yes" Whispered Dean in a boyish manner "Thank you, Cas" Castiel pulled Dean away slowly and smiled

"Anytime" Said Castiel "I'll let you sleep on my bed, but no funny business."

"I can't promise anything" Said Dean playfully with a smile

"Dean!" Said Castiel serious, Dean nodded "Good, if you try anything you'll sleep on the couch."

"Yes ma'am " Said Dean smiling, Castiel slapped his shoulder lightly and smiled back

"It's late Romeo" Said Castiel turning to his room "Come on."


	4. How To Catch A Prey

"Good morning Dean" Said Castiel smiling

"Good morning" Said Dean rubbing his eyes, Castiel was up already and dressed "Are you going to work?"

"Yes, in one hour" Said he straightening his tie on the mirror "Wake up, I left breakfast for you in the kitchen."

"Thank you" Said Dean standing up and smiling, he came from behind Castiel and embraced him, kissing his neck lightly "Can I have you for breakfast?"

"No" Said Castiel pulling Dean away from him "You didn't have me for lunch, or dinner… And certainly won't have me for breakfast."

"Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake" Said Dean knelling in front of Castiel's feet "It's everything except what it is! This is the love I feel, though no one loves me back"

"Stop that Dean!" Said Castiel helping him to stand up "I don't like Romeo very much, he wasn't that bold enough to me."

"I'll keep that in mind" Said Dean holding Castiel's arms tight and looking at his eyes "Next time I'll melt you."

"I'm looking forward to it" Said Castiel smiling and kissing Dean's cheek "But for now, eat you breakfast and give the spare keys to my sister."

"Ok" Said Dean going to the bathroom, he looked at his face on the mirror and thought _'I think I'm losing my touch, I just got to kiss him and I don't have any evidence, well… I can kiss him again on his work, right?'_ Dean grimed wolfish again _'Maybe this time, I can be more like a Heathcliff'_.

"Castiel?" He shouted walking into the kitchen, but he was gone, Dean sat and ate his cereal _'So he works at the library, right?'_

* * *

"You met my brother" Said Sam returning two books on the counter "Did you like him?"

"He is a nice guy" Said Castiel hiding his eyes behind his glasses, actually he thought Dean was handsome, but it didn't seem proper to say it "We talked."

"About what?" Said Sam chucking "Do you like motorcycles and those things?"

"We talked about books" Said Castiel smiling and placing those books on the bookshelf "Alice, Romeo and Juliet and some others."

"Really?" Asked Sam smiling surprised "I didn't know that he read books, Maybe you can be his friend."

"Excuse me?" Said Castiel smiling again and turning to see the big smile on Sam's face

"I know its sounds strange" Said Sam resting his hand on Castiel's shoulder "But Dean's needs a good influence, that Meg is really a bad influence on him."

"Sam, I'm sorry, but I can't take care of your big brother for you" Said Castiel taking Sam's hand off his shoulder and returning to the bookshelf "I'm sorry."

"Cas, you don't understand" Said Sam a little mellow "Look, I need you to look after him, please Cas."

"Sam" Said Castiel turning and breathing deeply now "Dean sure is a good guy, but I don't think I can watch over anyone, I'm not a people person."

"Look, I'm not asking you to be Jesus and convert Dean… I'm asking you to be his friend and if possible incentive him somehow to improve" – Said Sam resting his hand on Castiel's shoulder again

"Sam" Mumbled Castiel "I'll try, but I'm not good with people… Why did you think I chose this job? Because there's no people here, only books."

"I know it's much to ask" Said Sam smiling "But I'll have to ask it anyway."

"Ok, Sam" Said Castiel smiling nervously _'Castiel this time you got yourself in trouble, why do you do those things to yourself?'_ Thought him handling Sam other two books, Sam smiled and padded Castiel's shoulder, before leaving.

* * *

"Guess who is it?" Said Dean placing his hand on Castiel's eyes from behind the counter

"Dean, I'm working right now" Said Castiel pulling Dean's hands away from him and turning

"I'm here to borrow a book" Said Dean smiling "Any suggestions?"

"Well...What about a Midsummer Night's Dream?" Asked Castiel smiling _'Remember Castiel, you told Sam that you'll try to be his friend…'_

"What is it about?" Whispered Dean holding Castiel's hand in his

"About love and relationships" Said Castiel blushing, Dean was looking at him filled with lust

"Why do you make things sound so dull?" Asked Dean mischievously running his hand up Castiel's hand to his neck "Can you make it more interesting?"

"It wasn't dull" Said Castiel taking Dean's hands away from him "It's about love, magic and two couples that run away from home to live together."

"That's sounds like a plan" Whispered Dean again getting closer now and pressing Castiel's back against the bookshelf "Give me the book."

Castiel smiled and handled him the book with a smile, He pulled Dean away from him again "Here, take it."

"That's nice" Said Dean smiling, he turned Castiel on and he knew it "Thank you."

"Dean" Said Castiel sitting on a chair behind the counter "About the spare keys…"

"I know, I'll return it to your sister" Said Dean smiling and skipping the pages slowly

"Well" Mumbled Castiel again, he was embarrassed, but he wanted Dean to keep it, maybe this way Dean could have a home… or at least a place to sleep "You can keep it."

"For Real?" Asked Dean turning his eyes to Castiel and griming like a wolf "So It means I can clash your place anytime?"

"Yes, if you call before showing up" Said Castiel reddish, he liked Dean enough to trust him a little bit more

"I will" Said Dean resting the book on the counter, Dean jumped over the counter and embraced Castiel, resting his head on Castiel's shoulder he whispered "Thank you, I mean it."

"Dean" Castiel was interrupted with a kiss, but this time he didn't felt lust in it, he felt a warm feeling and some kind of peace, Castiel let himself drove for one second and pulled Dean away "Dean, no… My boss can get here anytime."

"I'm sorry Cas" Whispered Dean with his lips on Castiel's ears and his hand on Castiel's back "I'm leaving, but I really want a second date with you."

"Dean, I don't know if we should" Whispered Castiel sadly and pulling them apart again

"I want you, Cas, what wrong with that? " Whispered Dean trying to restrain himself from kissing Castiel's mouth over and over, he knew if Castiel's lips touched his lips again he would never let him go _'Is this part of story that the hunter become prey?'_ "I need you, Cas."

"Dean, don't say that" Said Castiel taking his glass off and turning away, breathing deeply "Not if you don't mean it"

"Cas" Said Dean touching Castiel's shoulder again, grabbing it with so much fear of losing as his fear of being rejected "Call me, we don't need to decide everything now."

"I'm sorry" Said Castiel whipping his eyes and putting his glasses on "I got carried away, I wasn't supposed to be so emotional…"

"There's nothing wrong with that " Said Dean resting his hand on Castiel's chin, Dean smiled and Castiel smiled back "You can get emotional in any way you want, will you call me?"

"I will, Dean, just leave me... please" Said Castiel placing some book in the bookshelf again, Dean turned away in silence and waved him goodbye _'Gotcha!'_ Dean thought smiling to himself.


	5. The Underdog

Castiel smiled on his bed, he was comfortably and cozy under his blankets, it was a cold night, his phone rang twice, but Castiel didn't pick it up.

"Is it raining?" Thought Castiel opening one of his eyes, listening the falling water's sound. After a second of silence Castiel heard a knock on the door, who could it be? Castiel wrapped himself on a blanket and putted his slippers on; He walked to the door and opened it.

"Cas, sorry to wake you up" It was Dean, he had a purple bruise on his chin and he was all wet, his leather jacket and his jeans were dripping "But I need your help."

Castiel threw his blanket on the coffee table and helped Dean to walk to the couch "What happened to you?"

"I had a fight with the road's dogs" Said Dean smiling while Castiel help him sit down on the couch

"Let me help you" Said Castiel helping Dean to take his leather jacket off, his t shirt had some blood. Dean had a cut on his chest "You are bleeding!"

"It's just a scratch" Said Dean taking his t-shirt off, Castiel took some towels and gave to Dean dry himself, While Dean was drying his hair Castiel took a aid kit to treat his wound "Cas, I can take care of it."

"I know" Said Castiel cleaning his wound "You are hurt, did they beat you?"

"Nobody's beats me!" Said Dean feeling a stab of pain in his chest, Castiel wrapped some bandages around him

"It's doesn't look like it, Dean" Said Castiel taking Dean's boots off his feet "What happened?"

"Just a minor a misunderstanding" Said Dean taking his his belt off "Then my gang had to solve that."

"By fighting on the streets?" Asked Castiel taking Dean's socks off and drying his feet with another towel

"Cas, you wouldn't understand it... And It was on the sideboard" Said Dean closing his eyes, clearly he was tired. Castiel looked at his face and embraced him in silence. Dean was confused by it, but he smiled. Castiel's embrace was the warmest thing he had found that night.

"I'm glad, you are ok"Whispered Castiel still holding Dean "I'm gonna get you dry clothes."

"Thank you, Cas" Said Dean kissing Castiel's cheek. Castiel smiled and went to his room. Dean took his jeans off and his underwear, he wrapped himself in a towel. Castiel walked into the room and gave Dean a hooded blue blouse, white socks, green underwear and black pants.

"You can change in the bathroom that is the door in the left" Said Castiel putting Dean's clothes on a basket, Dean nodded, took the clothes and went to the bathroom. Castiel took Dean's clothes and emptied its pockets before putting then on the washing machine.

"Cas" Said Dean walking towards Castiel with a surprised look upon his face "You have a laundry room here, that's strange."

"I like to stay at home" Said Castiel putting Dean's leather jacket on the dryer "Your clothes will be dry by tomorrow morning."

Dean smiled, he felt that those clothes were just his size, which made him wonder "Cas, this clothes are just my size, do you live with someone else?"

"Not anymore, it was my last boyfriend's clothes" Said Castiel smiling sadly "Luckily he was your size."

"Who's the moron that would dump you?" Said Dean holding Castiel hand and looking into his eyes

Castiel smiled softly and rested his other hand on Dean's cheek "I'll make some tea for you."

"Thanks" Said Dean following Castiel's to the kitchen, it bothered him a little to know that Castiel had a boyfriend_ 'how was he like? And what happened?'_ Dean sat on the chair and watched Castiel putting some water to boil. Dean was jealous of a guy he didn't know, it was like an itchy he needed to scratch "Cas, you never told me you had a boyfriend."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to hide it tough" Said Castiel sitting in a chair facing Dean "It was a long time ago."

"He wasn't good to you, right?" Asked Dean, he needed to know the type of guy Castiel liked; a hunter must know his prey

"I'd rather not to talk about it, Dean" Said Castiel smiling a little hurt, the kettle whistled and Castiel ran to turn the fire off

"I see" Said Dean while Castiel poured some tea in his cup, Castiel smiled and looked as Dean drank the tea "Thank you."

"You need some ice" Said Castiel looking at Dean's bruise on his chin "Let me get some" Castiel took a bag of ice from his refrigerator and rested on Dean's chin, Castiel had something in him, like a healer, he looked like someone with experience to take care of people, he would never admit that tough, but Dean knew it;

"I think I'm falling for you, Cas" Said Dean in a shy manner, he didn't know if he was playing with Castiel like he used to do with so many boys and girls or if it was the real deal this time.

"I don't know what to say" Said Castiel with a sad smile "I feel close to you, but…"

"But that makes me love you even more" Whispered Dean pulling Castiel by his collar "The more you beat me, the more I'll love you. Treat me like you would treat a dog… kick me, hit me, neglect me, try to lose me." Continued Dean kissing Castiel's neck, his lips were dry from the cold and warm from the tea, Castiel let a moan slips thought his lips "Just let me follow behind you, even though I'm not good enough for you."

"Dean, please stop that" Whispered Castiel placing his hands on Dean's shoulders

"Could I ask for a worse place in your heart than to be treated as you would treat a dog?" Dean continued ignoring Castiel's whispers, he breathed heavily and pulling him away with a smile "And yet I would consider it an honor to be your dog."

"Midsummer Night's Dream… " Said Castiel a little out of breath, that wasn't even a man's line, it was Helena's line, Castiel felt a deep warm feeling, he was falling for Dean and he knew that it wasn't a good thing "You are a fast learner."

"It's a nice book" Said Dean smiling, he teased Castiel blinking at him "Did you like it?"

"I-I" stemmed Castiel blushing "Y-yes, I did."

"That's nice" Said Dean drinking the tea, Castiel was amazed by him again

"It's really late, I'm returning to my bed" Said Castiel walking away, but Dean grabbed his arm

"I'm sorry, to just show up like this at your place Cas" Said he smiling a little embarrassed "I called, but you didn't pick up."

"It's ok Dean" Said Castiel yawning

"Can we sleep on the same bed again?" Asked Dean in a boyish way "I mean, the couch is kind of wet."

"Yes, but no-"

"I know, no funny business" Said Dean interrupting him and smiling "We'll have one heart, one bed, two bodies, and one faithful vow."

"Come on to bed" Said Castiel smiling, Dean was cute when he tried to be smarter than he was "Lysander."


	6. I Need You

"Cas, are you sleeping?" Whispered Dean looking at Castiel's face, it was a dark night

"Dean, I'm trying" Said Castiel with his eyes closed

"Aren't you curious why I fought?" Asked Dean resting his head on Castiel's chest, he was glad that they were sharing a bed

"I'd rather not know Dean" mumbled Castiel half asleep

"They wanted to move to somewhere else" Said Dean listening to Castiel's Heartbeats

"So?" Asked Castiel yawing

"It means that I wouldn't see you anymore…" Whispered Dean closing his eyes and caressing Castiel's chest with his left hand, Dean just wanted to feel connected, he had so many things in his mind that he couldn't sleep

"That's not so bad" Said Castiel a little drowse "You just met me, it's not like we have a real relationship."

"Can we have one?" Whispered Dean bringing his body closer to Castiel's body under the blankets

"Maybe" Said Castiel smiling, he thought that was sweet the way Dean just asked him if there was any future to their relationship

"I need you, Cas" Said Dean listening Castiel's heartbeats speed up a little, he knew he had struck Castiel's weakness there, he knew Castiel avoided human contact and people, because he had some bad experience with someone "Isn't that enough for begin a relationship?"

"Dean, it's not that easy" Said Castiel breathing deeply "You think you need me; maybe you just need a real job and a real home… Not me."

"And If I need all of it?" Whispered Dean opening his eyes and facing Castiel's eyes open in a surprised expression "Including you."

"Dean, you aren't making any sense" Said Castiel smiling again, it was sweet what Dean was trying to do, but he knew that they couldn't be "You are tired."

"Cas, why can't you believe me?" Asked Dean whispering, his forehead touching Castiel's chin "Is there something wrong with me?"

"No, Dean" Said Castiel in a sad "I'm not ready for any of this…"

"Cas" Said Dean kissing Castiel's forehead "I don't know what happened to you, but I'll be here your you."

"You don't need to, Dean" Said Castiel closing his eyes, Dean laid on Castiel's side again

"But I want to be, Cas" Castiel smiled and held him closer to his chest

"Thank you, Dean" Dean smiled and thought _'Is it a game?'_ even so he was falling for Castiel in a way he never had fallen for anybody else, he felt it was like the first time he told someone that he would "be there".

Dean closed his eyes and listened as Castiel slept, his heartbeats were so calm like an ocean and his body was warm, he didn't feel so must lust as he felt at the beginning. Dean thought about the 'one night stands' with girls and boys he had, neither of them meant anything, nor Anna nor Lisa, he was falling for a guy that he barely knew, a simple librarian.

* * *

Another morning came, Castiel opened his eyes and Dean was still asleep on his chest, Dean had a serene look upon his face, he looked like a lost child, a rebel without a cause or maybe just a faithless man; who could blame him for not believing on others? Castiel knew too well that trust must be earned, Castiel touched Dean's arm that was upon his neck, and Dean was too hot;

"Dean" Said Castiel taking the covers off him "Wake up, you are burning up"

"Cas?" Asked Dean smiling while touching Castiel's face "I feel strange."

"Stay still" Said Castiel dialing on his cell phone "I'm calling a doctor."

Dean smiled again, he was drowse and happy at the same time; everything was spinning too fast "Cas, I'm not ok."

Said Dean before closing his eyes and trying to move, Castiel held Dean by his shoulder and laid him in the bathtub "Dean hang on, I'm bringing some ice" While Castiel ran to the kitchen Dean turned the cold water on, he knew If his body temperature continued raising he would convulse, Castiel dropped some ice cubes on the bathtub and turned the water off after it filled the bathtub "I'm here Dean, I'm here" Castiel whispered countless times holding Dean's head

The doctor came after some minutes, he told Castiel that Dean had just an infection from the cut, the doctor gave Castiel a prescription from some meds, Castiel thanked the doctor that left the apartment, He came back to Dean that was in the bathtub still, but now looking better.

"Cas" Said Dean smiling wolfish "I'm sorry, I never meant to cause you so much trouble."

"It's no trouble" Said Castiel drying Dean's hair with a towel "You will be ok, maybe I should call your brother."

"No" Said Dean grabbing Castiel's hand "I really don't want to worry Sammy."

"Dean, I know it's not the time to give you a lecture" Said Castiel resting his hand on Dean's cheek "But you must think before you get yourself in an idiotic fight."

"I know, man" Said Dean closing his eyes and resting his head back "I'm sorry."

"I'm bringing you some medication" Said Castiel calling his boss "I'll be with you this week."

"But what about your job?" Asked Dean looking at Castiel with his cell phone against his ear

"I'm sure I can take a week off" Said Castiel smiling, Dean smiled too closing his eyes, after the call, Castiel turned to Dean and continued "Since when have you been a road dog?"

"My father raised me this way" Said Dean reaching out for Castiel's hand and grabbing it lightly "My mother always hated him for that."

"Is that what you want?" Asked Castiel curious, he wanted to know a little about Dean, He was confused too because helping Dean was so natural to him that he didn't even bother to stay by his side

"I want you, Cas" Said Dean smiling, his eyes were full of hope and sincerity "An angel is like you, and you are like an angel."

"Henry V" Said Castiel smiling, he knew that line too "I thought you aren't a guy who liked books."

"I don't like books, but I like you, Cas" Said Dean gripping Castiel's hand tightly "If you like beautiful bookish words I'll give to you if you only ask me, would you like it?"

"I would" Said Castiel smiling "But only if you want to say it, please Dean, I'm not trying to deceive you…"

"I know you aren't" Said Dean closing his eyes and resting his cheek on Castiel's hand

"Dean, if you say nice things to me, do it because you want, not because you think you have to" Said Castiel caressing Dean hair "I'm saying, I'm not ready for a relationship."

"Why not?" Asked Dean opening his eyes, Castiel just smiled sadly and kissed Dean's cheek

"Because I'm still broken" Said Castiel looking at the little melting pieces of ice cubes in the bathtub

"Then let me fix you, Cas" Said Dean standing up and holding him "Let me fix you."

"I don't know if you can" Replied Castiel wrapping a towel around Dean's waist

"Then let me try" Whispered Dean kissing Castiel's lips "And I'll fix you."


	7. Ex-Boyfriend Trouble

"Open your mouth" Said Castiel with a spoon with some medicine in it, Dean opened his mouth and swallowed it, he was laid on the bed with a trick blanket over him

"Thank you, Cas" Said Dean smiling, he looked like a little boy tucked in Castiel's bed

"I'm calling your brother" Said Castiel turning his phone on

"No!" Said Dean holding Castiel's hand "I mean, I never told him that I like boys too."

"Were you hiding it form him?" Asked Castiel resting his cell phone on the nightstand

"I don't know how he will react" Said Dean that was a little nervous, Castiel smiled and padded his shoulder

"Dean, you can't run away forever" Dean smiled nervous and Castiel handled him his cell phone "You got to tell him that you'll be staying at my home and eventually that, you like boys too."

"I don't know if it's a good idea" Said Dean shaking, he was afraid Castiel would noticed that and held his hand "I told my father that I liked boys too" Said Dean after a long pause he continued in a hurtful tone "He never talked to me, I don't want that to happen again, Cas."

"Dean, Sam loves you… You are his older brother, I'm sure that we will understand" Said Castiel, he was trying his best to help Dean, what made him wonder if he was just doing it for Sam, or if he hoped that Dean could "fix" him.

Dean picked up the phone and called "Hey, Castiel what's up?" Answered Sam

"It's not Cas" Said Dean a little shaken "It's Dean."

"Oh, Dean?" Asked Sam surprised "Why are you using Cas's phone? Did something happen to him?"

"No, Cas is fine" Said Dean after swallowing dry his fear "I'm calling to say, that I'm staying at Cas's place this week."

"Why? Did something happen to you?" Asked Sam worried

"Yeah, I just had a fight and I'm wounded… But I'm fine" Said Dean in a quickly way, He wanted to say it, but it was getting harder with each second that passed

"That's good" Said Sam breathing relieved "So, do you have something else to tell me?"

"Yeah, Sammy… Remember that time when Daddy and I fought?" Asked Dean nervous

"Yeah, he said he didn't want to see you anymore" Said Sam suspicious "What was that all about?"

"Sammy, I like boys and girls" Said Dean closing his eyes, waiting for an answer, but there was a long second of silence

"It makes sense now" Said Sam a little shocked "He never wanted to tell me why you two fought."

"Sammy, I'm sorry I've been hiding it from you" Said Dean relieved, but somehow he felt naked

"Dean, that's ok" Said Sam "Wait… Are you and Cas together?"

"No, we aren't" mumbled Dean trying to hide his disappointment "Sammy, can we speak about this later?"

"Oh!" Said Sam laughing "He is there, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is" Whispered Dean

"But you like him, right?" Asked Sam mocking his brother "I bet you do!"

"Shut up, you bitch!" Shouted Dean at the cell phone

"You jerk!" Said Sam chucking "Ok, I need to hang up now, Rachel is calling me."

"All right" Said Dean relieved

"Be good to your boyfriend, Jerk" Mocked Sam while hanging up

"Thank you, Cas" Said Dean returning the cell phone, Castiel smiled and padded Dean's shoulder

"You are welcome… What did he say?" Asked Castiel curious, he knew Sam would never judge Dean, Rachel used to brag about her perfect boyfriend

"He says it ok" Said Dean smiling "Thank you so much Cas."

"But it was you who called him not me" Said Castiel smiling politely

"You are really my angel" Whispered Dean embracing Castiel "I'm so grateful you bumped into me."

"Dean" Said Castiel with a smile "I'm glad you feel that way about me, but I'm no angel."

"Even if you don't believe it" Said Dean pulling Castiel by his collar and touching Castiel's nose with his "You are my angel, Cas."

"D-Dean" Stuttered Castiel blushing in a shy manner, he rested his hand on Dean's chest so he could feel Dean's heartbeats that bumped violently into his chest

"See" Said Dean holding Castiel's hand against his chest "I'm not lying when I say I want you, can you feel it?"

"Dean" Said Castiel opening his mouth and pressing his lips against Dean's lips, it was a gently kiss, Dean warped his arms around Castiel's body and let Castiel's kiss him, slowly and lightly, it was a pure kiss, like infant kiss, there wasn't no luxury or malice, only mutual respect and admiration "Thank you."

"For what?" Asked Dean holding Castiel's face now laid on his chest

"For trying to fix me" Said Castiel closing his eyes "Why are you trying?"

Dean smiled "I could ask the same thing to you."

"I'm not trying to fix you" Said Castiel standing up and blushing, because in some way he was fixing Dean

Dean laughed softly and held his hand "Regardless, Thank you."

* * *

"Hello, my diner's Queen!" Said a blond man with a English accent that just walked into the diner

"Balthazar!" Said Meg hugging him and smiling "It's been quite some time I don't see you."

"I know my dear" Said Balthazar sitting on a chair close to the widow "Per any change, have you seen Castiel?"

"He was here yesterday" Said Meg pouring him some coffee "I thought you two had broken up."

"We did" Said Balthazar with a polite smile "I'm just curious about him."

"Then, you'd better don't hold your breath waiting for him" Said Meg smiling, she wanted to see Balthazar's reaction

"Why is that so, darling?" Said Balthazar drinking his coffee

"A friend of mine was into him, last time I checked" Said Meg watching Balthazar surprised expression

"Dean?" Asked Balthazar with a reproving tone "That barbarian you call friend?"

"But he is quite charming isn't he?" Asked Meg with a mischievous slime

"He is handsome" Said Balthazar resting his coffee on the table "For a barbarian."

"Are you still in love with your librarian boy?" Mocked Meg while sitting face to face to him

"I'm not a fool to fall in love" Said Balthazar with a smile "Castiel is just an old friend."

"An old ex-boyfriend" Pointed Meg

"Yes, and a Dear friend" Continued Balthazar in a gently tone "So Dean is _'into him'_ what does that mean?"

"Means" Said Meg with a smile and a pause "Castiel's is his type of _prey_."

"So, your friend isn't only a barbarian, but a hunter too?" – Said Balthazar chuckling

"You can laugh all you want" Continued Meg with a smiled that bothered Balthazar a little "But I'm not sure if you will get your boyfriend back."

"Nonsense" Said Balthazar laughing "Castiel's doesn't like barbarians men like your friend Dean."

"So you came here to get back were you two left, didn't you?" Said Meg with a cutting knife smile, she was a cunning friend and a uncanny foe

"My dear" Said Balthazar laughing "Yes, you are quite right about my feelings towards Castiel, but I'm here just to talk with him."

"And if he is love with Dean?" Asked Meg, knowing the answer already "What will you do?"

"Fight, of course" Said Balthazar with a pleased smile "My dear."


	8. Healer

Someone was knocking on the door, Castiel putted his slippers on and left the bed where Dean's slept closing the door behind him "I'm coming" He shouted opening the door.

"Cas, I'm just checking on Dean" Said Sam smiling, he was alone, Castiel opened the door letting him in

"Make yourself at home" Said Castiel smiling, it was a cold afternoon, the winter had just began "Dean is sleeping, but you can wait until he wakes up?"

"Thank you, Cas" Said Sam sitting on the couch "What happened to him?"

"He told me he had a fight with his _'gang'_ " Said Castiel sitting on a chair facing Sam

"Another fight, that is four only this week" Said Sam worried

"I'm sure he will get real this time" Said Castiel smiling, he was trying his best to talk Dean into getting a job, but he had no success up till now

"I hope so Cas" Mumbled Sam looking at coffee table full of books "I see you bring work to your home"

"No" Chucked Castiel with a smile "That's my hobby, you know I like to read"

"I Do" Said Sam looking around "I'm not trying to pry, but do you live here alone?"

"Yes, Why?" Asked Castiel walking into the kitchen

"Because, is such a big apartment for you alone" Said Sam following him

"I used to live here with my boyfriend" Said Castiel pouring some water on the coffee machine

"I see, what happened?" Asked Sam resting his shoulder on the wall "I mean, if you don't want to tell me it's ok"

"We just grown apart" Said Castiel with a smile "He wanted to go see the world, and I never cared about the world"

"That is difficult" Said Sam padding Castiel's shoulder "But, are you ok?"

"Yes, it's been a long time ago" Said Castiel pouring some coffee "Do you want some?"

"Yes, please" Said Sam watching Castiel pour some coffee for him "That's good"

"Thank you" Said Castiel chucking, he knew Sam wasn't talking about his coffee

"No, I mean, your coffee is good too" Said Sam smiling "How much time until he is healed?"

"The doctor said on the weekend he must be ok" Said Castiel going to the living room and Sam followed him

"I'll get him on the weekend before Monday" Said Sam sitting on the couch again

"You don't have to" Said Castiel drinking some of his coffee "I'm glad Dean is here… At least I have someone to take care of those dripping pipes and lousy machines"

"I see "Said Sam with a smiled, he was pleased that Castiel was helping him, he couldn't shake this feeling that Dean and Castiel were together "Are you two together?"

"No" Said Castiel with a smile, thinking how funny it was, he wanted to be with Dean, but he wasn't sure about it "But, maybe we will be together… I don't know about that"

"So we will be like real family" Said Sam hopeful, he was glad that Dean finally found someone, Sam knew that Dean's hate for himself was killing him "Right?"

"I guess" Said Castiel laughing softly "Let me check on him"

* * *

"Dean" Said Castiel caressing his hair "Are you awake?" Dean held Castiel's hand and kissed its back while opening his eyes

"No" Dean smiled and touched Castiel cheek with his free hand "Is it morning yet?"

"Its afternoon Dean" continued Castiel smiling "Your brother wants to see you"

"Why did I sleep so much?" Asked Dean resting his back against the pillows

"It's the medicine's effect" Whispered Castiel fluffing his pillows "Can I tell him to come in?"

"Yes, Cas" Said Dean rubbing his eyes "Thank you"

Castiel nodded and left the room, after a while Sam came into the room with a smile "Hey you jerk!"

"Hey, bitch!" replied Dean smiling, Sam hugged him lightly and both laughed

"So how are you hanging up?" asked Sam sitting on the bed

"So far so good, Sammy" Said Dean smiling "I'm sure you are here to give me a lecture, aren't you?"

"No, but I should" Said Sam punching Dean's shoulder lightly "I'm here to tell you something"

"Yes?"

"Daddy is coming next week, because of my birthday" Said Sam looking at the displeased expression on Dean's face

"I thought he didn't have time for those things" Said Dean crossing his arms

"Dean, please, try not to fight with him this time, again" Said Sam holding Dean's hand

"I won't promise anything" Said Dean a little upset "You know how he is, Sammy"

"I know, but I think maybe he changed"

"He was never the same since mother died" Said Dean looking away, he had fond memories of his mother

"It wasn't his fault, Dean" Said Sam padding Dean's shoulder "People die, Dean"

"I'm not a child Sammy!" Shouted Dean, he wasn't upset with Sam, he was upset, because nobody never found who started the fire that killed their mother that day "I'm sorry, I'll try my best to not fight with Daddy"

"Thank you Dean, Rachel is planning everything, I just want that everything goes ok for her" Said Sam standing up

"Are you going already?" Asked Dean lifting his eyes, Sam was his younger brother, but he was way taller than him tough "Stay a little while"

"I can't Dean, Rachel must be freaking out with the invitation Cards right now" Said Sam smiling, Dean smiled back and Sam left the room while Castiel came in

"So? What's up with the long face?" Said Castiel sitting by Dean's side on the bed

"My daddy is coming" Said Dean a little upset;

"Isn't that a good thing?" Asked Castiel curious, he never saw Dean like this before

"No, my daddy is kind of a jerk" Said Dean crossing his arms again, Castiel laughed softly

"So? Aren't you a jerk too?" Dean laughed

"Yes, maybe I am; My Daddy and I had a falling out, Cas, I'm not sure If he wants to see me again, or if I want to see him again" Said Dean resting his head back on the pillow

"Dean, you should forgive him… It's never good to hold on things like this" Said Castiel caressing Dean's forehead

"I forgave him, Cas" Said Dean closing his eyes "It doesn't mean I like him"

"But Dean, if you forgave him why are you angry?" Dean opened his eyes and looked at Castiel's sweet smile, he was right; Dean didn't forgive his father for what happened.

"Because it wasn't fair, Cas" Said Dean closing his fists "I'm his son! I love him and he told me I was an abomination, that I wasn't his son anymore"

"Dean, we are imperfect… I get that you are angry, but you can't be angry forever"

"Why not?" Shouted Dean "Is his fault, not mine… I tried my best to be a good son, I swear Cas, I tried!"

"I know Dean" Said Castiel holding Dean, he was crying "Forgiveness doesn't mean that what someone did to you was right, it means that you are ready let the pain go away"

"I wish I was like you Cas" Said Dean whipping his tears "My father would love you"

"Why?' Asked Castiel looking at Dean's eyes, he was broken too, but even so Dean was trying his best to be someone better than who he was

"Because, you always know what to say" Said Dean in boy-ish manner, Castiel smiled, it was the first time he saw Dean for who he was, just another lost boy.

"Dean, you don't need somebody's approval to exist" Said Castiel smiling softly "You have right to exist, no matter what people say, you have as much right to exist as anyone else in this world"

"Thank you, Cas" Said Dean resting his chin on Castiel's shoulder

"Are you ready to let the pain go?" Whispered Castiel holding Dean

"Yes, Cas" Said Dean smiling, it wasn't a game anymore, Castiel could say he wasn't an angel, but Dean knew that he was somehow a healer.


	9. Birthday Boy

"You look handsome" Said Dean looking at Castiel formally dressed with tie and suit

"I think I look silly" Said Castiel while Dean helped him with his tie

"Of course not" Said Dean smiling "You look hot"

"Thank you, Dean" Said Castiel helping Dean with his suit, both were in black suits, but Dean chose a red tie and Castiel chose a blue one "You look handsome too"

"Finally" Said Dean standing face to face to the mirror "I thought I was the only one to notice"

"You still very cocky tough" Said Castiel smiling "I'll drive; my car is on the parking lot"

"Why can we go riding my motorcycle?" Asked Dean leaving the apartment with Castiel

"Because it took me two hours to iron those clothes" Said Castiel locking the door "And your motorcycle is way too Van Halen style"

"There's nothing wrong with Van Halen" Said Dean walking down the stairs and coming inside the parking lot

"Yes, there is, if you are going to a formal anniversary" Said Castiel unlocking his car door and turning the engine on

"Sammy must be really happy" Said Dean looking thought the inner mirror

"He must be, Rachel was so excited with his birthday that she almost wanted to throw a surprise party" Said Castiel with his eyes on the road

"So?" Asked Dean looking at Castiel's collar discreetly licking his lips

"Well, she can't keep a secret" Said Castiel chucking slightly "It would kill her"

Dean laughed "Don't you have a brother, Cas?"

"I do, Michael is my older brother" Said Castiel smiling sadly "He and I don't get along"

"That's strange, I never met anybody that didn't get along with you" Said Dean resting his head on Castiel's shoulder

"He is kind of a zealot" Said Castiel trying not to sound rude "He never accepted me for who I am"

"That's why you never talked about him, then?"

"Please, Dean, don't talk about Michael with Rachel… She gets very upset when she talks about him"

"I understand" Said Dean smiling, he was playing with Castiel's hair "I'll behave"

* * *

"Rachel, don't you think theres too many people here?" Asked Sam holding her in his arms

"It's a party, Sammy" Said she smiling, they stood under a white cover in the middle of a big garden with some tents covering the food, the tables and chairs, it was a sunny day, the guests were coming slowly at first and taking theirs sits "There must be a lot of people."

Sam smiled softly and kissed her cheek "If it's makes you happy, then its makes me happy."

"Thank you, honey" whispered Rachel

"Where is my father's seat? "Asked Sam greeting the guests

"In the same table as Dean, Castiel and Meg's" Said she realizing something was wrong "Why?"

"N-nothing!" Stuttered Sam

"Samuel Winchester!" Said Rachel upset "What is it?"

"My brother and my father don't get along…" Said Sam holding Rachel by her shoulders "But it's all fine, Dean told he will try to be nice"

"Sammy!" Said she laughing "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you would be upset to replace them, after all the work you did to place them together" Said Sam protecting himself with his forearms

Rachel slapped lightly his forearms and laughed, She hugged him "I'm sorry, Sam, I should have asked you about it… It's your party not mine"

Sam smiled and held her closer "Well, I guess there's nothing we can do now"

* * *

Dean and Castiel sat on their places in the big table; Meg was there and smiled at Dean:

"Hey Tiger, how are you doing?" Dean smiled and kissed her on the cheek

"I'm ok Meg" Said Dean sitting "I was wounded; now I'm better"

"I see" Said Meg smiling and looking at Castiel's eyes "Cas, you look handsome"

"Thank you, Meg" Said Castiel embarrassed "You look beautiful"

Meg nodded and laughed "Are you two together?"

"N-No" Stuttered Dean a little embarrassed "Cas is just helping me to stand on my own two feet"

"That is nice of you, Cas" Said Meg that was on his side, she embraced him with a smile "You are such a nice boy"

"Hun, thank you?" Mumbled Castiel blushing red, Dean coughed

"Meg, can you give Castiel some space?"

"If Cas needs some space, why don't he say it?" Said Meg looking at Castiel's face

"Meg" Smiled Castiel "You are just a little bit too close"

"You are no fun, Sir" Said Meg putting some space between them, she smiled victorious, all she wanted was to make Dean jealous "Happily I'm with a cutie man today too, Dean"

Dean blushed red and Castiel raised his eyebrow with curiosity "Who?"

"Balthazar" Said Meg with a smile, Dean was confused, but Castiel's eyes got wide in surprised, his heartbeats speeded up

"I thought he wanted to see the world" Said Castiel disbelieved

"I guess he is tired of living a high adrenalin life" Said Meg smiling

"Who is Balthazar?" Asked Dean confused

"Castiel's ex boyfriend" Said Balthazar sitting close to Meg and kissing her forehead "My Dear"

"B-Balthazar!?" Said Castiel shivering, he felt all those memories coming back to haunt him

"Castiel" He said smiling lustful "It's been a long time"

"Y-yes it's been" Said Castiel, he was nervous and Dean noticed

"Balthazar, this is Dean" Said Meg pointing to Dean that faked a smiled, Balthazar smiled too

"Nice to meet you" Said Balthazar, Dean just nodded and rested his arms around Castiel's shoulder

"W-what happened to you? Weren't you in a tour or something?" Asked Castiel smiling

"I was" said Balthazar "But I realized that I missed the most important of my art here"

"Let me guess…" Said Dean smiling like a wolf, he was jealous indeed and Balthazar looked like a treat to him "Your penicillin"

Meg laughed with Dean, Balthazar and Castiel faked a smiled "Your friend Dean is really a delight" Continued Balthazar "But You Cas, If my great love for you had simply been created by circumstances, it might be rejected as illegitimate because changing circumstances could destroy it." Dean twisted lightly his nose and continued the poetry looking at Castiel's eyes

"It would be subject to whatever is in fashion at the moment, rejected with worthless things or plucked up with other fashionable flowers." Dean kissed Castiel's hand and continued"No, my love was created where it can't be touched by the unpredictability of events."

"Bravo! Bravo!" Applauded Meg with a smile

"I see a non-British friend knows a good line or two by Shakespeare" Said Balthazar playfully

"He does" Said Castiel smiling, Dean smiled back

"Shakespeare is the language of love, only the ones who knows Shakespeare knows true love" Said Dean smiling, he would fight for Castiel and Balthazar realized that and faked a smiled too

"That's beautiful" Said Meg mocking Balthazar that coughed

"As I was saying" Said Balthazar looking at Castiel's eyes "Some people take for gathered their love, and live to regret it"

"I'm certain it isn't your case" Said Dean smiling, Castiel smiled too, he wasn't totally aware what was going on "You look like an experienced man"

"Indeed I am… But experience comes from failure, my dear" Said Balthazar smiling "And I indeed, made some mistakes"

"Then you must move on" Said Dean smiling a fake smile, he was determined to fight with words and with his fists too, Balthazar was an ass, he didn't deserved Castiel after breaking him into pieces "There's a world out there, waiting for you"

"That so nice of you, my darling" Said Balthazar smiling a little upset "But, I already found what I was looking for… And I won't let it go… again"

"I can be mistaken, but you tend to hold on when you should let it go" Said Dean bringing Castiel's close to him "That's not good for you"

"Indeed" Said Balthazar chucking "You are mistaken, I hold on, but only on what is irreplaceable"

"What can't be replaced after lost must be forgotten, don't you agree?" Asked Dean smiling and resting his head on Castiel's shoulder

"Not at all, forgotten things always find their owners hand again" Said Balthazar with another fake smile, Meg was amused by their banter, Castiel was confused and embarrassed

"I wouldn't hold my breath on it" Said Dean sitting back on his chair "Things aren't people"

"I agree, with people you must make them fall in love with you... again" Said Balthazar with a touché expression

Dean smiled and Castiel interrupted before any of them could talk

"Who else is going to sit with us?" Dean smiled nervous and realized that a man was coming towards them, it was his father dressed with suit and tie, John looked older than Dean remembered:

"Hello, Dean"


	10. Anniversary Singer

"Dad?!" Said Dean nervous, the man sat on a chair facing Dean

"I'm sorry" Said Balthazar a little impressed "I think we haven't been introduced yet"

"Yes, my name is John Winchester" Said the man shaking Balthazar's hand "Dean's father" continued him kissing Meg's back of hand

Dean looked like a little boy in his father presence, a mix of happiness and sadness was in him now, Castiel smiled and shook John's hand

"You must be Castiel" Said John smiling

"I'm sorry, have we met?" Asked Castiel politely smiling

"No" Said John chucking softly "Michael, Isn't he your brother?"

"Yes, he is" Said Castiel confuse _'How did he knows?'_

"He works for me in my mechanic shop" Continued John smiling "He told me that you would be here"

"Why isn't Michael here?" Asked Meg curious playing with her long hair

"He doesn't like parties" Said John and Castiel at same time and both laughed

"You know him well" Said Castiel smiling, it was strange how his brother used to leave a strong impression on people he met

"I do indeed" Said John smiling "That boy is a very good mechanic!"

"He always wanted to be a mechanic" Said Castiel smiling shy "What is strange, it's a simple job"

"Some people are simple and happy" Said John padding Castiel's shoulder playful, Dean was right Castiel's would be a good son to him

"I agree, living a simple life sometimes is the best" Said Castiel smiling, Dean rested his arm on Castiel's shoulder

"So, Dad… What having you been doing?" Asked Dean, he wanted to upset his father a little, John frowned an eyebrow in disapproval to Dean's arm on Castiel's shoulder

"Working on my Mechanic Shop, you know that is my life" Said John faking a smile

"That's good; I thought the army was your life" Said Dean smiling a little cynical

"It was, Dean" Said John between his teeth, Castiel realized the tension and interrupted

"Army?" Castiel said impressed "Like the marines?"

"Yes, I was a marine… One of the good ones!" Said John proud

"That's sounds exciting!" Said Castiel smiling, John smiled and in few minutes he was telling Castiel's all about his experience with army and firearms, Castiel smiled and found everything amazing.

Balthazar and Meg stood in silence watching Dean's reaction while John had a really good talk with Castiel about sailing and even fishing.

"I think your Daddy just took your boyfriend to be from you" Whispered Meg to Dean that made an angry face, but didn't reply, Balthazar laughed and Dean interrupted:

"Cas, is a librarian, Dad" Smiled Dean slipping his hand into Castiel's suit to button a loose button on his suit "He reads a lot"

"Why such a young man like you would spend his days with old books?" Said John smiling to Castiel and trying to ignore Dean's hand on Castiel's chest

"I always liked books" Said Castiel embarrassed taking Dean's hands off him "They helped me sleep, when I was child"

"Books, can be really useful" Said John chuckling at Dean's pounding to Castiel

"Yeah, but he doesn't need any more books to help him sleep" Said Dean mischievous "He got me"

John coughed violently "I need to use the toilet" then he left the table

"Dean!" Said Castiel punching Dean's shoulder "What are you doing?!"

"Making clear to my father that we are together" Said Dean crossing his arms, Balthazar and Meg chucked

"That's the problem, we aren't together" Said Castiel a little upset "I was having a good talk with him"

"I see that you enjoy his talks" Said Dean a little jealous

"Don't you think that for someone as free spirited as you are, you are a little too possessive?" Asked Castiel upset

"I-I am" Stuttered Dean a little ashamed, Castiel was right and Dean promised Sam that he would try to not fight with his father "I'm sorry, Cas"

"You say you are sorry to your father" Said Castiel pointing towards the toilets

"Ok" Said Dean standing up "I guess I'll talk to him"

* * *

"Dad" Said Dean resting his hand on John's shoulder "I'm sorry"

"That's ok, Dean" Said John looking at Dean's reflection on the big mirror

"I mean it, I know you have some problems accepting my sexuality" Continued Dean walking slowly in circles "I understand that-"

"Dean, I'm not angry" Said John turning away and embracing Dean "I should be the one to be sorry, I've been a terrible father…"

"It's ok Dad" Said Dean surprised, he had never heard his father say sorry ever before

"No, it isn't… I regret that day I told you were an abomination … I was scared" Said John still holding Dean, he took a deep breath "I just panicked, I was prepared for everything, but that"

"Dad…" Said Dean holding him back "Thank you"

"You don't have to thank me, Dean" Said John messing Dean's hair with his hand, like he used to do when Dean was a child "I wasn't a good dad to you after all, I'm proud of you, son"

Dean smiled and closed his eyes, tears ran thought his face, he didn't even remembered the last time his dad called him son "How did you liked Cas?" Said Dean playfully whipping his tears with his sleeve

"He is a great… man" Said John smiling "I liked him, is he your boyfriend?"

"No" Said Dean smiling, John breathed relived

"So you are with a girl, right?" Asked John a little suspicious

"He isn't my boyfriend yet, dad" Said Dean smiling, John chucked and rested his arm on Dean's shoulder

"You are losing your touch, aren't you?" Said John walking with Dean out of the bathroom

* * *

"So, I wanted to say thanks to my bride-to-be, Rachel" Said Sam raising his glass "For this amazing birthday party"

Rachel hid her face on his chest, and everybody laughed "Sammy, I'm a shy girl" Said she giggling, Sam smiled and kissed her forehead

"I wanted to say thank you to my Dad too" Continued Sammy nodding to John that nodded and smiled "Thank you for coming, dad"

"It was a pleasure, son" Said John smiling and raising his glass too, everybody drunk and Sam continued

"Now, you all can enjoy the band and the food, have fun" He said sitting on his table with Rachel, the band began to play

"Where is Dean?" Asked Castiel

"He said he needed to settle something" Said John smiling "You will have a surprise"

"A surprise for me?" Asked Castiel a little confused

"Hello everybody" Said Dean on the stage "I know you guys are eating and drinking, but…"

"Oh, no!" Said Castiel hiding himself behind the table

"But I need to say I can't get a boy off my head" Continued Dean smiling "I won't say his name, but I'll sing with the band's help"

"He isn't doing that" Whispered Castiel to himself, John laughed and padded Castiel's shoulder

"You see this guy…This guy's in love with you." Sang Dean with the band, Sam smiled and Rachel squeaked like a little girl

"Yes I'm in love…Who looks at you the way I do?" Continued Dean walking towards Castiel "When you smile, I can tell we know each other very well."

"No, he isn't coming this way" Said Castiel to himself, but Dean held his hand and smiled

"How can I show you?" Whispered Dean with his eyes on Castiel's eyes, Castiel was embarrassed and in panic, people were looking and sighting "I'm glad I got to know you, 'cause"

"Dean, don't…" Said Castiel trying to escape, but Dean held him close and embraced him

"I've heard some talk…They say you think I'm fine" Continued Dean with a smiled taking Castiel to the center of the room "This guy's in love, and what I'd do to make you mine."

"Dean, this is very embarrassing" Whispered Castiel embarrassed, Dean just smiled and Balthazar was furious with that

"Tell me now." Dean whispered in Castiel's ears and embraced him again"Is it so? Don't let me be the last to know."

"Dean, this is really sweet… But-"Whispered Castiel, but Dean just continued singing

"My hands are shaking." Dean smiled and kissed his forehead "Don't let my heart keep breaking 'cause"

A silence invaded the party and Dean sang acapella "I need your love, I want your love" Then the band began to play again "Say you're in love, in love with this guy." The band stopped and Dean spoke this time "If not, I'll just die. "

Castiel smiled embarrassed, Dean stopped and looked at him like the first time, Dean knew he had fallen, but not just fallen, he had fallen hard "Dean" Whispered Castiel while the guests applauded.


	11. Hello, Dean

"I really don't believe we are dancing a slow song" Whispered Castiel on Dean's ears, Dean was holding him with a big smile

"Why?" Whispered Dean on Castiel's ears "I was the king in the school's prom"

"I thought you would just leave me somehow" Whispered Castiel resting his head on Dean's shoulder

"I would never leave you" Said Dean with his hand on the small of Castiel's back

"Herb Alpert" Said Castiel smiling "This guy is in love with you, really Dean?"

"It was my Daddy's favorite song" Said Dean chucking "And the band didn't knew Angel by Aerosmith"

"So do you still think I'm an angel?" Whispered Castiel

"Yes, you are my angel" Whispered Dean caressing Castiel's back

"So are you a devil?"Asked Castiel with a smiled in his face

"No, I'm a hunter" Said Dean playfully

"That's nonsense… Why would an angel and hunter be together?" Asked Castiel chucking

"Because you aren't just an angel" Said Dean placing his hand on Castiel's cheek "You are my guardian angel"

"And you are my hunter, then?" Asked Castiel chucking "How would I greet you?"

"I don't know, what about…" Said Dean thinking "Hello, Dean" Castiel laughed and rested his head back on Dean's shoulder

"Yes, then you would call me Cas all the time, like my sister" Chucked Castiel

"Why not, Cas?" Said Dean smiling "I could call you Cas all the time"

"You can, but Rachel will be jealous" Whispered Castiel smiling

"Cas?" Said Dean taking great pleasure into calling Castiel by his nickname

"Dean" Said Castiel looking at his eyes

"I love you" Said Dean looking deeply into Castiel's eyes "I love you"

"Dean…"

"It's ok Cas" Said Dean resting his head on Castiel's shoulder "You don't have to say anything, I just wanted you to know"

Castiel smiled and ran his fingers thought Dean's hair.

* * *

"So, dad…" Said Sam sitting on the table close to John "You and Dean are ok, right?"

"Yes, son" Said John looking at Castiel and Dean dancing together "I think, this time your brother got a good man to look after him"

"I didn't know you liked Castiel" Said Sam smiling "Have you already met him before?"

"No, but anyone can see he is good boy" Said John smiling "That what Dean's need, a good influence"

"I thought the same thing" Said Sam chucking "I got this good feeling about him that I can't shake off"

"Maybe because you like his sister" Chucked John

"Maybe" Said Sam laughing "I'm glad you came"

"So am I" Said John padding Sam's shoulder "I'm proud of you two, you mother would be proud too"

"I know she would" Said Sam smiling "She was like an angel"

"Yes, she was like an angel" Whispered John, while Castiel and Dean took their places on the table "I'm glad Dean found a boy like you to put some sense in his head"

"Dad!" Said Dean embarrassed "I'm a grown man!"

"Then behave like one" Said John smiling and shaking Castiel's hand "Be hard on him, he is really impulsive"

"Like father like son" Said Sam chucking, Castiel smiled and John stood up

"I'm leaving now, before its get dark" Said John smiling

Dean, Castiel and Sam nodded; Meg and Balthazar were dancing, Dean got Castiel's hand and looked at his eyes

"Cas" He said kissing Castiel's hand "Let's go home"

"Yes, it's getting late" Said Castiel standing up too "Sam; tell Rachel she can visit me anytime"

"Visit US, Cas" Said Dean holding Castiel against him

"Visit me, Dean" Said Castiel smiling and getting some space between him and Dean

"I'll tell her" Said Sam chuckling

* * *

Castiel started the engine, but John knocked on the Car's glass

"Can I talk to Dean?" Asked Him smiling, Castiel turned off the engine and Dean left the car to talk with John

"Yes, dad" Said Dean resting his back on the car

"Dean, here take it" Said John giving him a card "It's my mechanic shop's address, if you need me I'm always there"

"Thanks dad" Said Dean putting the card on his the wallet "I don't think I'll need it, dad"

"Keep it, Dean" Said John padding his shoulder "If you are in need of a job or a place to stay you can always come to live with your dad"

"Do you have a house?" Asked Dean chucking "I thought you lived on the road"

"I bought our old house back" Said John smiling "I'm renovating it, it will look just the same before the fire"

"I'm looking forward to see it" Said Dean smiling "Thanks daddy, its means the world to me…"

"I've always loved you Dean" Said John holding him "You are my first, my baby boy… I'm glad you forgave me"

"I love you dad" Said Dean holding him "But you don't need to worry anymore, Cas is with me"

"I see you want to make him fall in love with you" Said John chucking "He is hard as nails"

"You can say that again, I've got only to kiss him until now" Said Dean laughing, John padded Dean's back and left with a smile, he knew that Dean was in good hands, he was proud and wanted him to be happy.

"You dad is a good guy" Said Castiel driving and watching the road, it was dark now

"It's the Winchester's charm" Said Dean smiling, Castiel laughed

"So why don't you have it?" Asked Castiel with his eyes on the road

"I do, but mine is more physical" Whispered Dean running his hand towards Castiel's lap "I could show you"

"Dean, I'm driving" Said Castiel slapping Dean's hand out of his lap

"You are not fun at all" Said Dean smiling and resting his head on Castiel's shoulder

"I think I like you daddy better than you" Said Castiel chucking

"So you like an old man, don't you?" Asked Dean smiling "Like Balthazar?"

"Balthazar isn't old" Protested Castiel "He is mature"

"Hun, mature" Mocked Dean "You and I have the same age that is the problem then"

"No, the problem is that you are always trying to get into my pants, Dean"

"If I don't try, I'm sure I won't" Said Dean smiling and kissing Castiel's collar

"You've got a point" Said Castiel smiling, he wasn't intentionally avoiding make love to Dean, he wasn't ready yet, not that he didn't wanted it.

"So can we do it?" Asked Dean kissing Castiel's neck

"Not in the car, nor while I'm driving" Said Castiel pulling Dean away with his free hand

"So when we get back to our apartment" Whispered Dean on Castiel's ears, there was lust in his voice

"Dean" Said Castiel in a serious tone "I don't know when"

"Ok, you just ruined the mood" Chucked Dean, he wasn't intending to have sex with Castiel yet, he enjoyed to play more than others "Can't you restrain yourself Cas?"

Castiel laughed "You know me, I can't keep my hands away from you, Dean" Said Castiel chucking, Dean smiled and kissed his cheek.


	12. Love Not Sex

"That's a nice picture" Said Dean taking a canvas out of the wardrobe

"Put that away, Dean" Said Castiel on the bed, they just arrived from Sam's birthday party; Castiel feet were sore from dancing.

"I'm sorry, I was just looking for my jacket" Said Dean taking another painting out of the wardrobe; it was a painting of a beautiful moon on the skies. The moon was gigantic on the dark skies and an impala was there just parked close to those dark threes, it looked like something out of a dream. "Did you paint this, Cas?"

"Dean, it's just a silly picture" Said Castiel taking the canvas out of Dean's hand and putting it away, he took Dean's jacket from a drawer "Here"

"Thanks Cas" Said Dean a little spooked with Castiel's reaction to those hidden paintings "Did I upset you?"

"No, Dean" Said Castiel lying on the bed "It's just something I used to do"

"So you used to paint pictures" Said Dean sitting on the foot of the bed "But those pictures are beautiful"

"Maybe" Said Castiel closing his eyes "It doesn't matter now"

"So why do you keep it then?"

"It's just memorabilia" Said Castiel covering himself with the blanket "If I need something to remember when I was in high school"

"I see" Said Dean smiling, Castiel closed his eyes and in minutes he fell asleep. Dean stood there watching over Castiel.

He walked towards the wardrobe and took that big bag with ten different canvases out without waking Castiel up. Dean took the first on named **"Heavily Dream"** It was a painting of a summer afternoon, a man with a kite flying on the blue sky in a green park, a couple making a picnic, a dog and some beautiful threes.

Dean laid it on the floor and looked at another one, this one was named **"Raised from perdition"** It was clearly an angel lifting some man from an abyss of red chains, the man looked asleep, and the angel had a serious face, a shinning light was coming from him.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Asked Castiel that was standing behind of Dean '_When did he wake?_'

"I'm sorry, but I had to see it" Said Dean putting the canvases away in the bag again

"I told you to not look!" Said Castiel taking the bag out of Dean's hands and locking up on the wardrobe again "These aren't my best paintings"

"But it's look great!" Said Dean happily while sitting on the floor with his legs crossed "Why do you hide it?"

"Because it's remind me of Balthazar!" Said Castiel sitting on the floor too, Dean and Castiel looked like two little boys, they stood there in silence looking at each other's eyes, until Dean broke the silence:

"Even so, you should paint again"

"I only paint my dreams"

"Then what is the problem?"

"I don't remember my dreams anymore"

"Maybe you need to paint real life now" Said Dean resting his hand on Castiel's shoulder, Castiel smiled closing his eyes, it felt good to share about his paintings

"Maybe one day I will"

"Why do you keep running away from me, Cas?"

"I don't"

"Yes, you do" Said Dean getting close to Castiel, which just backed away "See; you deny yourself what we want"

"I'm not sure about what we want"

"I'm not talking about sex only, Cas" Said Dean getting his face close to Castiel's face, Dean ended up on top of him and Castiel was on the floor "I'm talking about that bubble around you."

Castiel just stood in silence; Dean held his face and gently kissed his chin twice and continued:

"Don't I turn you on?" Whispered Dean on Castiel's ears

"Yes, you turn me on" Said Castiel placing his hand on Dean's waist, feeling his abs and part of his hips "And I want to make love to you"

"So why you keep trying to hide it" Whispered Dean again teasing Castiel's crouch with his left hand "When I can feel it"

Castiel blushed with excitation; Dean rubbed his hips lightly on Castiel's lap and turned him on even more.

"Dean" Moaned Castiel almost begging "Please s-stop"

Dean just held Castiel's neck and kissed his Adam's apple, his tongue ran to Castiel's mouth kissing him with such a hungry that forced Castiel's hands to tight his grip on Dean's waist.

"Don't you like it?" Whispered Dean with his thumbs on Castiel's nipples "Cas?"

Castiel kissed Dean and silenced him; he flipped Dean and slid his arm on Dean's chest.

"Don't tease me, Dean" Moaned Castiel on Dean's ears, he was embracing Dean from behind against the floor, Dean wasn't accustomed to being dominated, but he enjoyed Castiel's hand on his chest and his breath upon his neck.

"Do you think this is teasing?" Asked Dean rubbing Castiel's tights with both his hands, Castiel smiled a devilish smile and grabbed Dean's hips with lust and strength. "Do you want me Castiel?"

Asked Dean taking his shirt off "Do you like what you see?" Teased Dean again while Castiel stared Dean's body "Do I turn you on?"

Castiel kissed Dean again taking Dean's pants off, like a wild animal, he wanted make sex as much as Dean "Do you like to feel powerful, Cas?" Asked Dean teasing him again, Castiel just nodded and threw Dean on the bed embracing him from behind again and making Dean arch his body against his.

"I do, I like to feel powerful"

"Like God?"

"Like God" Moaned Castiel, lightly biting Dean's ear, his lips were dry and hot, Dean kept teasing Castiel body against his

"Do you want me to be on my knees?"

"I would love it, Dean" Whispered Castiel taking his pants off

"So tell me to be on my knees" Said Dean again smiling, he was almost making sex with Castiel

"On your knees!" Said Castiel making Dean sit on his lap, Dean just smiled and rubbed his body against Castiel's lap

"I'm not listening" Said Dean teasing Castiel again "Louder!"

"On your knees!" Shouted Castiel filled with lust, Dean smiled and kissed Castiel's mouth

"Fuck me" Whispered Dean while being held by Castiel's arms "Fuck me good"

"Is that what I'm doing?" Asked Castiel confused, he was almost naked with Dean on his bed. Castiel was hard as he could be, but something in the way Dean told him to fuck him sounded strange to him.

"Just fuck me, Cas" Said Dean kissing Castiel's mouth, but he didn't kissed him back, instead he stood and pulled Dean away from him gently and ashamed, what was he doing? He really liked Dean, why was he making sex to Dean like he was a cheap hooker. Castiel felt more ashamed because he liked that kind of sex.

"I'm sorry" Said Castiel putting his pants on "I just can't do this"

"Cas, come on!" Said Dean on the bed "Are you gonna leave me like this?" Said Dean pointing to his hard on

"I'm sorry, Dean, I don't want to fuck you" Said Castiel leaving the room with pillow on his lap "I want to make love to you"

Dean laid back on the bed and breathed out in frustration. He should've known that Castiel wasn't the type of guy how liked to talk dirty while doing it _'What he meant by making love not sex?'_ thought Dean putting his pants on again _'what difference does it make?'_


	13. Schemes and Plots

"So, you lost your ex-boyfriend… again" Mocked Meg pouring some coffee to Balthazar

"I didn't lost him" Said Balthazar crossing his legs and looking at the door, it was a bright day, the light filled the empty diner

"Well, Dean sang to him yesterday…" Continued Meg ignoring Balthazar's reply "And he left with Dean, the way I see it. You lost"

"Meg, my sweet" Said Balthazar with a smile "I know Castiel pretty well, I know him better than he knows himself"

"Is that so?"

"My dear" Continued Balthazar padding Meg's hand "Castiel is a methodical man, he is testing Dean, and I bet your barbarian friend doesn't even suspect"

"I think that you are refusing to accept the truth" Said Meg sitting facing him

"Which is?" Asked Balthazar smiling

"That Castiel is in love with Dean, sugar" Said Meg smiling in a devilish way

"Nonsense!" Exclaimed Balthazar "Why would he?"

"Because Dean is handsome, fun and smart" Said Meg mixing Balthazar's coffee with a spoon

"That's interesting, Meg" Said Balthazar scratching his chin "What if Dean wasn't that fun, and smart? "

"I supposed it would be difficult to stand him" Said Meg chucking "He is way too cocky"

"Cocky?" Asked Balthazar thinking about it for one second "Way too cocky, hun?"

"What are you thinking?" Asked Meg, she looked somehow concerned

"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting" Said Balthazar laughing softly

"Balthazar, what about Castiel?" Said Meg strangely concerned "I think you shouldn't play like this with him"

"Aren't your friend Dean playing with him too?" Said Balthazar kissing her hand "My Dear"

"Not anymore"

"But he did"

"Yes, but I think he is really in love"

"Nonsense" Said Balthazar again chucking "Nobody can love a simple librarian"

"What about you?"

"I loved him" Said Balthazar griming "But now I need him"

"For what?" Asked Meg surprised "Isn't he a simple librarian?"

"For my art" Smiled Balthazar "Castiel can be a simple librarian, but I own him my finest work of art"

"Are you saying he paint pictures?" Whispered Meg with a smile

"Yes" Said Balthazar "Castiel has a gift"

"Why don't you tell it to him?"

"I did, he doesn't want money and doesn't want to leave this town" Said Balthazar drinking his coffee

"Why is that?"

"He stills think his father will come back… And he is too afraid to show his work of art to others"

"So you need him, because you need money?"

"Money AND fame, my dear"

Meg smiled a fake smile.

* * *

"I'm going to work, now" Said Castiel on the door, Dean came to him and smiled, his clothes were covered in oil "What are you doing?"

"Fixing the dryer" Dean looked like a boy with a new toy, with overalls and no shirt "I'm fixing some things while you are away"

"That's nice" Said Castiel suspicious "What is up with that?"

"Hey, I'm a man that can fix things" He said proudly "Besides I'm repaying you for your help"

"Ok Dean, just don't break anything" Said Castiel chucking, Dean smiled "I'm leaving"

Castiel left and Dean returned to the dryer, while fixing it Dean hear a knock on the door, he opened it without any haste:

"Dean, we need to talk" It was Meg, she seemed concerned "Now" Said she coming in

"Oh, Meg, yeah you can come in" Said Dean mocking her and closing the door

"Dean, that's no time for jokes" Said she sitting on the couch

"Ok, what is it? Because if you didn't notice I'm kind of busy here"

"Balthazar is going to set you up"

"What?!" Said Dean confused

"Dean, he knows about the bet we made"

"I wonder how" Said Dean staring at Meg's face

"Well, I told him…" Said she embarrassed "While we are drinking"

"Meg, what the hell!" Shouted Dean

"I know, that was my bad"

"I presume you know his diabolical plan, right?"

"Lisa is back in town, he will somehow turn Cas against you with that"

"That's look like a very vague plan"

"Did you know she has a son?"

"A son?!" Said Dean shocked _'Could he be mine?'_

"Yes, is there any chance that he's yours son, Dean?"

"No" Said Dean trying to hide what he was thinking, he lied "We always had safe sex"

"That's good to know" Said Meg standing up "Then stay away from Lisa"

"Why are you telling me this?" Asked Dean confused

"Because I'm your friend" Said she walking to the door

"Are you?" Chucked Dean opening the door

"Yes" She laughed "Besides, I love to screw Balthazar's plans"

Meg left with a mysterious smile upon her face, Dean didn't notice that, but the question was on his head _'Is he my son?'_.

* * *

"Castiel, my darling" Said Balthazar kissing Castiel's cheeks above the counter

"Balthazar, is good to see you again" Said Castiel smiling shy "So what can I do for you?"

Balthazar smiled mischievous and said "I'm here just to make amends"

"Make amends about what?" Asked Castiel feigning ignorance

"Cas" Said Balthazar holding his hand "I'm sorry that I hurt you in the past. I was a bad boyfriend and a worse partner" Castiel smiled embarrassed "I'm asking you to forgive me, I mistreated you and now I understand that I was a Jerk"

"Balthazar, it just happened" Said Castiel smiling again

"No, Castiel" Continued Balthazar "I messed up and I feel terrible about it, you are the most understanding and passionate person I've met"

"Balthazar, you are forgiven" Said Castiel embracing him and letting him go

"Thank you" Said Balthazar smiling too "You deserved someone better than me, I'm happy because you found someone you love"

"I really don't know if I love him"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to pry"

"You aren't prying Balthazar" Said Castiel pilling some book on the counter "You are just concerned, I get that"

"You know that I'll always be there for you" Said Balthazar resting his hand on Castiel's shoulder

"Thank you Balthazar"

"Then I think I'll be going now" Said Balthazar turning away "But" continued him turning back again "I need to tell you something Cas"

"What is it?"

"Lisa is in town" Said Balthazar watching his reaction "You know she is Dean's ex prom queen right? And Ex girlfriend too"

"I didn't know that bit of prom queen" Said Castiel suspicious "How to you know about it?"

"Well, Dean and I studied at the same school" Said Balthazar after a pause "I thought they were meant to be together"

"What happened?" Asked Castiel curious

"I don't know, maybe… No, that is just talk of the town"

"Balthazar, if you want to tell me something, then say it"

"I was told that she has a son, Ben, I think is his name"

"So what about it?"

"Cas, do I need to spell it out for you?"

"Are you saying she got pregnant and Dean left her?"

"I'm not saying that"

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that now that she is in town with her son, Dean maybe feel a need for closure"

"Dean can do whatever he wants" Said Castiel a little upset "He is not my boyfriend!"

"But I thought you liked him"

"I do" Said Castiel turning to the bookshelves and searching for something "But Dean it's not mine, if he wants to have a life with his old girlfriend I won't stop him"

Balthazar smiled victorious "You are such a kind soul, Castiel" Continued Balthazar in a complacent tone "I would be jealous if I were you"

"But I'm not" Said Castiel upset, he was clearly jealous, but didn't want to admit that

Balthazar smiled _'Success!'_


	14. I've Got Nothing

"Cas" Said Dean walking into the library "We need to talk"

"If it is about last night, I'm sorry" Said Castiel closing some kind of book and turning his eyes to Dean's face "You look worried"

"I'm worried"

"Why?"

"It's about Balthazar"

"What is it?"

"He is trying to make up with you, isn't he?"

"Please, Dean" Said Castiel laughing "You are jealous of a guy you don't even know"

"What about the party?! He was all over you!"

"He was just flirting with me" Said Castiel smiling "There's nothing wrong with that"

"Of course there is" Shouted Dean "Can you see he is trying to take you away from me?"

"Dean" Said Castiel taking his glass off in a calm manner "I thought I was clear when I said I don't know if there is an _'us'_ here"

"I know" Said Dean holding Castiel by his arms "But I also told you that I love you, I can't just watch your ex-boyfriend flirt with you without feeling a thing… I'm human, Cas"

"I understand" Said Castiel caressing Dean's face, Dean had a sadly concerned expression "But if you love me, Dean-"

"I do" Interrupted Dean

"Then you must let me be" Said Castiel running his fingers thought Dean's hair, it was a bittersweet moment, Castiel knew that Balthazar could do anything to get what he wanted, Castiel dreamed about this, that one day Balthazar would return and he could live as he used to, but Dean came along; Castiel heart was torn between coming back to Balthazar, or take a chance on Dean and let things just happen.

"I get that, Cas…I get that" Whispered Dean heartbroken, he knew that he loved Castiel now, he was close to him, but Castiel was too far away from Dean.

"Besides" Said Castiel letting Dean go and turning away to the bookshelf "Aren't you curious about Lisa?"

"How do you know about that?" Asked Dean suspicious _'Did Meg told you?'_ Thought Dean _'Or did Balthazar told you?'_

"So you knew" Said Castiel opening a big book and unfolding some pages

"Yes, Meg told me that Lisa came back to town" Said Dean embarrassed, he knew Castiel was into him already, something wasn't right "Why?"

"Nothing special" Said Castiel smiling "I was thinking why it didn't work"

"I guess, she was too old fashioned for me" Said Dean turning away and scratching his head

"Dean" Said Castiel looking at his back "If you want to get back with her, I understand, you may have a son with her"

"What!?" Shouted Dean turning away to find Castiel's eyes questioning him "He isn't my son!"

"Are you sure?" Asked Castiel, his eyes hurt Dean like a knife, his doubting expression was severe

"I-I" stammered Dean for the first time, He knew he couldn't lie about this. Castiel would certainly never forgive him if he hid the truth "I don't know, Cas"

"So you don't know if he is yours" Said Castiel looking again to the book and unfolding another page

"Honestly?" Asked Dean worried, Castiel nodded in silence "I really don't know, he could be"

"Then you need to talk to her" Said Castiel closing the book "If he is your son you must know"

"Why do you care?" Asked Dean more curious than upset

"Because a father that leaves his son is worse than any father" Castiel said it with so much hate that Dean understood that he wasn't the only one with daddy issues

"Is it about your daddy, Cas?"

"Yes, and no" Said Castiel opening another book "My father left me, and I don't want Ben to end up like me"

"What's wrong to end up like you, Cas?"

"Dean, I'm a librarian!" Said Castiel opening his arms "These are my only friends, let's face it, I know I'm a loser" Castiel threw a book away and continued angry "I can't speak with people, I can't even fuck quit this job, because this is all I have"

"That's not true" Said Dean picking the book up "You are one of most amazing person I've ever meet."

"You don't know me, Dean" Said Castiel taking the book off his hands

"No" Protested Dean "You don't know yourself!"

"That's nonsense, Dean"

"The only nonsense here is to say you are a loser and that you got nothing" Said Dean with his eyes wet in a mix of angry and sadness_ 'Why does he think he is a loser?'_ Thought Dean.

"You are the one that I love, and you'll always have me, Castiel!"

Castiel looked at Dean's eyes, a silence invaded the library and both knew that nothing else should be said, this fight was over, Dean shouted before leaving angrily:

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?!" Castiel smiled sadly, knowing that they are completely opposites side of a same coin, Dean had social skill and good looks, even in his bad hair days he looked handsome. Castiel felt like this fight was necessary, and was bound to happen.

"Will I always have you, Dean?" Whispered Castiel to himself smiling _'Did he mean it?'_ thought he, even Balthazar that claimed that loved him never said something like this. Castiel reflected on his relationship with Balthazar, it was pure physical, but Dean was different. He wanted to make love to him, to take him in his arms and never let go, but if Dean didn't like him after that? Could he bear being left again? "Dean" Whispered Castiel again to himself "I wish I could believe it"

* * *

Dean knocked on her door, he knew it was a bad move coming to see her, but after his fight with Castiel he felt that is was the right thing to do:

"Dean?!" Said Lisa surprised behind him, she was carrying a paper bag and a little boy stood by her side with big puppies' eyes, green eyes like his eyes. Dean froze like a stone and for one second his was out of breath "Oh, I thought I would never see you again" Continued She embracing Dean and smiling "Come on in"

Dean followed her in silence with his eyes on the boy; he looked very much like him. His eyes and the color of his hair, it was strange as seeing himself as a child.

"Lisa, I hear you were in town" Said Dean looking at her face, the boy went up stairs without even notice Dean's constant gaze "Then I decided to come see you"

"That's very nice of you" Said Lisa resting the bag on the table and closing the door after her, Dean sat on a chair close to the sink "Oh, Ben just forgot his skate outside again"

"Ben? It's that your son?" Said Dean trying to feign ignorance, but Dean couldn't help to think that Ben was his son too

"Yes" Said Lisa sitting in another chair "He is an amazing boy"

"How old is he?"

"He is eight years old"

"So you had him after high school, right?"

"Yes, I got pregnant and I moved from town…" Said she smiling "I'm sorry about blowing you off after the dance, Dean"

"So, that does explain everything" Said Dean smiling relieved. He remembered that Lisa disappeared after their prom's dance; Dean always wondered why she left him. Lisa was his first love, but she left without a word. "But why didn't you tell me?"

"Sorry Dean, I just found out I was pregnant and I panicked"

"Lisa, is he my son?" Asked Dean concerned, Lisa smiled and held his hand.


	15. Wicked Game

"Cas, are you upset?" Asked Rachel petting his head like a dog, people that walked nearby just passed without looking inside the coffee shop. Castiel just smiled, she knew he was hiding something.

"I am, sad… I think" Said Castiel meekly, his voice went almost unheard, but Rachel had seen this all before, Castiel was the youngster of three. Michael, Rachel and Castiel, Michael was the most explosive and Castiel the most serene, Castiel and Michael used to fight a lot, but Rachel knew how to make them behave like brothers, she also knew when something was wrong with her brothers.

"Why, Cas?" Asked she caressing his hand

"Dean and I had a fight… I mean, not really a fight, but we argued"

"About?"

"His son"

"What?!" Said Rachel surprised, Castiel was calm as always

"I mean, maybe he isn't his son"

"Ok, first things first Cas" Said Rachel chucking "Tell me what happened"

Castiel breathed deeply and told her what happened, while telling her that Castiel realized how silly and stupid this fight was.

"Cas" Said Rachel holding his hand tightly with a smile in her face "He said he loves you, what else do you want from him?"

"That's the problem" Said Castiel taking his hand off his sister hands "I don't want anything from him"

"You are saying you don't love him?" Asked Rachel frowning an eyebrow

"No, I like him… But I can't be the one he is looking for, Rachel"

"Why not?"

"Because… Because…" Stammered Castiel almost reluctant, but he finally released it surprising himself with the answer "I don't want to love him!"

Rachel laughed softly and embraced Castiel briefly:

"We don't choose to love" Whispered she with a big smile "Love choose us"

"Rachel, Love doesn't exist"

"Of course it does" Said Rachel offended

"It doesn't Rachel" Said Castiel standing up and picking his book from the table "One day you'll realize that"

"Cas?" Said she standing up again, Rachel was afraid Castiel would do something against himself or do some other crazy thing "Are you going home?"

"I 'm hungry" He continued "I'm going to the diner"

"Cas, don't do anything to yourself, ok?" Said she holding his hand, Rachel would go with him, but she knew that Castiel wanted to be alone, and it was better this way.

"I'm just going to eat, Rachel" Said Castiel smiling, but she still feared he would do something. Castiel had an expression of sadness, but not a panicked type. He had this cold, acceptance sadness, the kind seen in people that gave up the fight.

Rachel kissed Castiel goodbye and watched him drive his car until he disappeared on the distance. This end of afternoon was sad and confuse, Rachel had a bad feeling that she was losing her little brother.

* * *

"Are you still reading this book?" Asked Balthazar sitting face to face to Castiel on the diner "I never knew what's up with you and those dramatic books"

"Good evening, Balthazar" Said Castiel messing with his food on the plate

"You look, not good" Said Balthazar feeling a little out of place, maybe it was Castiel's strange greeting that had this effect on him. Balthazar lived two years with Castiel, but he realized that Castiel truly changed like a caterpillar.

"Thank you" Said Castiel with his eyes on his beef "its strange how you still here"

"Excuse me?" Said Balthazar confuse

"You still in town, did you really changed?"

"I think I did" Said Balthazar laughing, but Castiel kept his eyes on his plate "What's wrong?"

"What isn't wrong?"

"That's kind of pessimistic of you, Cas"

"I think it's fitting for a simple librarian" Said Castiel with an angry, but low tone

"Cas, there's something going on, isn't?" Balthazar feared that Castiel knew about his scheme, but he dismissed that thought quickly

"Maybe"

"Castiel, what happened with you?" Said Balthazar resting his hand on his shoulder

"Live, happened to me…" Said Castiel with a pause, looking at Balthazar face "Above all this, you happened to me"

"Me?" Asked Balthazar puzzled, did he find out about Balthazar's plans?

"Yes, you!" Said Castiel angry "I gave you everything, there's nothing left for you to take!"

"Cas, I didn't come back for things"

"Yes, you didn't" Said Castiel despising this phase like a poison on his lips

"Cas, I'm sorry I was young and stupid" Continued Balthazar trying to calm him down "I never meant to hurt you"

"Then why did you come back?" Asked Castiel dropping his fork on the plate "And don't you dare to lie to me!"

"I came for you, Cas" Said Balthazar kissing Castiel's hand "I realized how foolish I was, is it too late?"

"You liar…" Said Castiel putting some money in under his plate "You fucking liar!" Continued him standing up "I'm tired of this town, full of liars"

"So come with me" Said Balthazar holding Castiel's forearm "Let's go see the world together"

"I was your boyfriend, you LOVED me, right?" Said Castiel releasing his forearms from Balthazar's grip "I would never leave my home with a liar like you"

Castiel left the Diner and Balthazar just stood there, like an orphan child, that waits his parents, but he knew that this time he was truly orphan; Castiel would never give him a second chance. Balthazar looked at Meg behind the counter, she smiled warm to him _'Now, I lost him'_ He thought _'Maybe it's time to go'_

* * *

Dean was sitting on the couch, the TV was off, and he felt strange. The pipes were ok, he had fixed all of them in this sort time he stayed with Castiel. _'I can't believe Lisa never told me'_ Thought Dean to himself, he never felt so betrayed and so foreign to himself as he was.

Castiel opened the door and walked pass him, Dean lifted his hand

"Evening Cas!"

"Don't speak to me" shouted him from the bathroom, Dean stood and knocked on the bathroom door, he was curious _'was Castiel upset with him?'_

"Cas, did I do something wrong?"

"Dean" Said Castiel turning the water on to fill the bathtub "Leave me, please"

"Do you need something?"

"Yeah I do" Said Castiel opening the door "I need the goddammit truth!"

"Cas"

"Leave me" Said Castiel upset

"Cas, let me help you"

Castiel just closed the door and rested his back against it in silence, he had too much lies already.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Because I found out about your bet and Balthazar's intentions… I'm not stupid"

"It was an idiotic thing to do, Cas" Said Dean resting his back against the door too "I'm sorry, I was a jerk that time"

"So it true then?"

"Yes, but I love you Cas" Said Dean sitting on the floor "You don't believe me, do you?"

"I don't believe a word that coming out of your mouth" Said Castiel in a hurtful tone while sitting on the floor

"Cas, please… don't do this to me"

"I'm not doing it" Said Castiel turning off the water "You are, Dean"

"Come on, Cas… We can fix this!" Whispered Dean thought the door

"It's not broken, Dean!" Shouted Castiel, submerging himself inside the bathtub hoping he could drown everything, Dean, Balthazar, his father's absence and even his feelings. Everything became silent and Castiel smiled.


	16. Making Love Of Nothing At All

"Cas?" Asked Dean knocking on the door again "Please talk to me"

"Why would I?" Said Castiel emerging from the bathtub, he was there looking at the mirror haunted by his reflection, trying to figure out why his heart hurt so badly "You are a liar"

"Cas, please forgive me" Begged Dean while his sorrow brought him to his knees "I told you that in the beginning it was a game to me, but I love you"

"I know, Dean…" Said Castiel, he was disappointed not angry "Meg, told me everything"

"Did she?"

"She also told me you really love me that it was supposed to be just a silly joke"

"So why are you angry?"

"You played with me like Balthazar was planning to do, again"

"I confess I did played with you" Said Dean with his hand on the door, he was filled with the desire to hold Castiel hopping somehow to erase his mistakes, every one of them "But only in the beginning"

"What do you want from me?" Shouted Castiel punching the door, he was angry because it was true, Castiel wished it was all a lie, even Dean's love for him "Do you want my paintings? Then take it!"

"No, Cas… buddy, I need you" Said Dean with his cheek against the door, hoping that his love for Castiel would melt not only the door, but every barrier between them "I need you"

Castiel opened the door and looked at Dean's eyes in rage, offended by the way Dean looked back at him, with love and wanting, because Castiel wanted to hate Dean, not love him.

"Why?" He shouted "Why do you need me?"

"I can't explain, Cas" Said Dean embracing him as the sun embraces the morning skies. It wasn't only an embrace it was Dean's apologies with his flesh and bones "I just need you"

Castiel closed his eyes and embraced Dean tight; his words ran from his vocabulary, leaving only his books on his mind, unaffected by his rage and fear "I wish I could hold you till we were both dead… I shouldn't care for your sufferings. Why shouldn't you suffer? I do! Will you forget me? Will you be happy when I am in the earth?"

Dean smiled, he knew this line, it's was Cathy's line "Don't torture me till I'm as mad as yourself" he interrupted Castiel kissing his neck "Do you reflect that all those words will be branded in my memory, and eating deeper eternally after you have left me?"

Castiel held Dean tighter and kissed his cheek crying with a mix of rage, sadness and wanting:

"You teach me now how cruel you've been, cruel and false. You deserve this!" Said Castiel pulling Dean away gently "Tell me the truth now, Dean, but only the truth"

"I will" Said Dean looking at Castiel's eyes, tears coming down from his eyes hit the ground like little explosions.

"If you were in my shoes, would you forgive?" Asked Castiel whipping his tears, Dean closed his eyes and breathed deeply as if the weight of the word were on his shoulders

"I wouldn't forgive, if I didn't love you" Said Dean thinking how doomed he was, Castiel would never forgive him for that, he played a dangerous game and he would pay it with a river of his tears

Castiel smiled at Dean's sincerity and whipped Dean's tears with his sleeve like he would to do a little child "It' is hard to forgive and look at those eyes" Said Castiel holding Dean's face with both hands "Kiss me again; And don't let me see your eyes!"

"It means you…" Said Dean unsure

"I forgive what you have done to me." Said Castiel Kissing Dean's mouth, it was a long deep and passionate kiss, as powerful as an earthquake, nothing could stop this moment. Castiel knew that even if death took him, he would come back to this memory and take a hold of it like his love for Dean, Castiel realized that he loved Dean more that he could ever love someone.

"Does it mean that you love me?" Asked Dean surprised panting, Castiel just took his breath away with this long kiss

"I love you" Said Castiel holding Dean's face with some kind of lust and wanting.

"I want to make love to you" Said Dean embarrassed, he understood now the difference "I want to love you"

Castiel just smiled and took Dean to his bed "Dean" He whispered on Dean's ears while taking his pants off

"What?" Asked Dean smiling and unbuttoning Castiel's blouse

"Say you love me" Whispered Castiel on top of Dean's body

"I love you" Whispered Dean with a grim, Castiel took Dean's pants off and torn his t-shirt "Cas, easy" Said Dean chucking, Castiel just smiled and in silence he rode Dean slowly and steady

"C-Cas" Moaned Dean grabbing Castiel's rips tight "I love you"

"I love you too" Moaned Castiel riding Dean every time deeper

"That's it; honey" Said Dean biting his lips "Faster"

"Dean" Whispered Castiel going faster and faster

"Cas" Shouted Dean "I love you"

Castiel smiled and bit Dean's ear causing him pain and pleasure at same time, Dean held Castiel hip's tighter than before, marking his fingers on Castiel's waist

"Tell me you need me again" Whispered Castiel with lust and pain

"I need you" Said Dean in a frenzy stroking Castiel's deeper and faster

"Dean" Shouted Castiel while Dean reached his climax, Castiel just fell on Dean's chest exhausted listening Dean's heartbeats

"Cas" Said Dean caressing Castiel's back with his hand

"Dean, that was great!" Whispered Castiel running his fingers thought Dean's chest

"Yeah, it was, Cas" Chucked Dean, he couldn't tell when was the last time he had sex "I love you" Continued Dean kissing Castiel forehead

"I think you hurt me" Said Castiel playfully looking at Dean's hand prints on his waist

"I'm sorry" Said Dean smiling "I got carried away, but you hurt me too"

"Where?" Asked Castiel curious, Dean took Castiel' hand and laid it on his chest

"Here" Said Dean holding Castiel's hand against his heart and closing his eyes, Castiel smiled and kissed Dean's hand

"Does it hurt now?" Asked Castiel smiling

"No" Said Dean smiling, he understood what making love was about. Dean pulled Castiel closer and looked in his eyes, so deep and full of hope. Dean realized Castiel was more than a boy he loved, Castiel was a powerful force of nature as his love was. "Cas, are you God?"

"It's a nice compliment" Whispered Castiel with a smile "But no"

Dean chucked and kissed Castiel briefly "Don't you ever change."


	17. Like a Player

Dean woke up and opened his eyes slowly:

"Cas?" Asked He looking for Castiel, but Dean was in the bed alone "Cas?" Repeated he standing up "Cas, are you in the bathroom?" Continued Dean knocking on the bathroom door, but Castiel wasn't on the bathroom

"Hello, Dean" Said Castiel opening the bedroom door, Dean smiled and embraced him, for one moment he thought everything was just a dream

"You are here"

"Yes, this is my home" Said Castiel confused, he padded Dean's back "Are you ok?"

"I'm great!" Said Dean kissing Castiel's lips and holding his waist

"Hey" Said Castiel pulling him away "My waist still hurts, Dean"

"I'm sorry" chucked Dean, he was sure it wasn't a dream. Castiel smiled and kissed Dean's lips lightly

"It's almost noon" Said Castiel while giving Dean a white t-shirt "Come on, I'm cooking"

Dean took his shirt off and wore the one Castiel handled him "What are you cooking?"

"Some pasta" Continued Castiel leaving the room, Dean followed him and sat on a chair

"So, we made love…" Said Dean trying to strike a conversation

"We did, Dean" Replied Castiel turning the fire on

"I mean, are you my boyfriend now?" Asked Dean embarrassed, he wanted to be Castiel's boyfriend, but he wanted to know if they were in the same page

"I don't know…Are we?" Asked Castiel covering a saucepan

"I want us to be" Said Dean looking at Castiel, trying to anticipate what would he say. Castiel just smiled and nodded.

"So we are" Continued Castiel slicing some tomatoes

"I like that" Said Dean laying back on his chair

"Like that I am your boyfriend or like that you are mine?" Asked Castiel playfully washing the slices of tomatoes

"Both" Said Dean laughing, Castiel smiled, everything sounded perfect like a good dream, Dean remembered his talk with Lisa. He needed to tell Castiel about Ben "Cas?"

"Yes?" Replied Castiel putting some spaghetti on the saucepan now filled with water

"Lisa and I talked"

"About?"

"Ben"

"So is he your son?" Asked Castiel putting some pasta on Dean's plate and covering it with tomato sauce, Dean smiled like a little boy hiding a secret

"What if I say he is?"Asked Dean smiling, Castiel didn't took even a second to reply him

"Then you need to be there for him" Dean smiled even wider and caressed Castiel's hair "What was that for?"

"I realized why I love you" Said Dean eating his spaghetti

"Why?" Asked Castiel wrapping some spaghetti on his fork

"Because you have heart" Said Dean gazing at Castiel's eyes "Maybe too much heart is your problem"

"How is that a problem?"

"It would be if you ruled the world" Chucked Dean at Castiel's confused expression

"I don't see it as a problem"

"But it would" Said Dean teasing Castiel

"How would you know?" Asked Castiel laughing

"Because I'm a hunter" Chucked Dean

"Then I guess I'm your angel all over again, right?" Laughed Castiel thinking how it sounded so crazy

"Yes, Cas" Said Dean holding Castiel's hand "You are the one who gripped me tight and raised me from perdition, Cas"

"Why? Because God commanded?" Asked Castiel laughing after kissing Dean's cheek

"Exactly" Dean smiled and held Castiel's face gentle "Can you say it to me?"

"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition" Said Castiel amazed by the way Dean smiled, Castiel felt like two realities collapsed and everything made sense for a brief moment.

"Thank you, Cas" Said Dean lying his back on the chair and smiling satisfied, hearing from Castiel's lips was more than he wanted

"I didn't save you Dean" Said Castiel resting the plates on the sink

"Yes, but you brought me back… Twisting the trees of my roadless world, bending old laws of the world like wet paper on the wind" Said Dean closing his eyes

"Dean" Said Castiel watching Dean in silence, this moment was somehow holy; it's felt like a strange broken reflection of that would be, but somehow it's felt like returning home.

"He isn't my son, Lisa was with another guy before me..." Continued Dean smiling "I wish he was tough."

Castiel just smiled sadly "So do I, did you loved her?"

"I did, once" Said Dean looking at Castiel's eyes "When I was younger"

"Was she your first love Dean?" Asked Castiel sitting close to Dean

"She was, Cas"

"What happened?"

"She disappeared after our last dance" Said Dean holding Castiel against his chest "Promise you'll never disappear, Cas"

"I won't go anywhere Dean"

"Thank you"

"I'm sorry you fist love ended up like this" Said Castiel resting his head on Dean's chest

"I'm glad" Said Dean kissing Castiel forehead "If something different happened I wouldn't ended up in your arms"

Castiel looked at Dean's eyes with a surprised expression that become a smile "I'm glad you are in my arms"

* * *

"Dean?" Asked John surprised over the phone "Is that you?"

"Yes, dad" Said Dean a little embarrassed "How are you doing?"

"I'm great" Said John suspicious "I got the feeling you'll ask me a favor"

"Not a favor, dad" Said Dean resting his feet on the coffee table "A job"

"So you want to be a mechanic?" Asked John surprised and a little proud of Dean

"Yeah, dad this is the only skill I have… Can you get me a job on your mechanic shop?"

"Of course, son!" Said John eagerly "You can work with me, we got some many motorcycles here to fix, it will be really good"

"Hold on daddy" Said Dean a little freaked out "Can we talk about it tomorrow morning?"

"Yes, of course!" Said John happily "I'm sorry, Dean, but Sammy never wanted to work on my Mechanical Shop, so…"

"I know daddy" Said Dean chucking "I'm your only son that play with cars"

"Thanks to God you do!" Said John laughing "Ok, then tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, I'll be there tomorrow dad"

"I'll be waiting" Said John happily again, Dean said goodbye and hanged up.

_'Cas will have a surprise'_ Thought Dean walking to his room _'I'll get a job and maybe we move from here'_

* * *

Someone knocked on the door twice, Dean opened to find Meg smiling with a pleased expression.

"Oh it's you" Said Dean a little upset, after all Meg got him in a really tight spot

"Don't be such a child, Dean" Said Meg smiling again "I know I should've told you first about Balthazar's plans, but Castiel would never believed in you"

"Why?"

"Because you were clearly jealous of him"

"OK, but you almost got me in trouble"

"Nothing more than you deserved"

"You dared me!"

"I did, but look at you!" Said Meg kissing his cheek "You got Castiel, didn't you?"

"I did, but… wait" Said Dean smiling "You would lose our bet then you told Castiel everything hoping to win the bet, didn't you?"

"Oh, you have a brain after all"

"But I won"

"Maybe" Said Meg handling a fifty dollar bill to Dean and turning away with a mysterious smile again

"Wait, what you mean by maybe?"

"A girl gotta have her secrets" Said she waving goodbye and smiling "Oh, Balthazar won't return anymore, your Castiel is safe"

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm going with him to Europe" Meg entered the elevator and Dean smiled, in the end Meg got Balthazar in her hands. Did she seduced him or was blacking mailing him? Dean shook his head and closed the door knowing that it didn't matter anymore; Balthazar was out of the game, nobody could keep him away from Castiel.


	18. Prejudice & Pride

"Hey, I need to talk with John Winchester" Said Dean to a young looking blond, blue eyed guy "Do you know where he is?"

"Yeah, who is asking?" Asked he crossing his arms, his overalls were somewhat clean

"I'm Dean, his son" The man smiled and extended his hand, Dean shook his hand and smiled too

"My name is Michael" He said letting go of Dean's hand

"Are you Cas's brother?!" Asked Dean confused, how could Castiel's brother be blond and so young looking?

"Yes, do you know my little brother?"

"Yes, you can say I do" Dean remembered that Castiel told his brother was kind of zealot, it was better not tell him the whole truth "He is my brother in law"

"I see, so you are Sam's brother" Continued Michael with a warm smile; Dean realized how Castiel's smile and Michael smile were alike

"Yeah, I am" Said Dean a little confused, Michael didn't looked or acted like a zealot "You guys talk with each other?"

"No" said Michael smiling sadly "It's my fault, I don't know if you know, but Castiel is… He likes boys"

Dean nodded in sympathy, trying to hide what he already knew a long time ago "Then you don't talk to him because he is gay?"

"No, I love him" Said Michael sadly "But that's not right, he is a man… he should find a good woman and marry her, have children… you know what I mean, right?"

"I do" Said Dean padding his shoulder "But if he falls in love with a man…"

"This is disgusting, there's no love between two men, only lust"

"I see"

"This unnatural and it's a sin"

Dean faked a smile, he knew now why Castiel avoided talking about his brother, Michael was a good man, but his opinion on sexuality was too much for Castiel to listen without taking offense.

"Sin, Hun?"

"Yes, it's abomination" Dean closed his fist and held his rage with a smile, John came and embraced Dean

"Dean!" Said John happily

"Daddy, I was just talking with Michael here"

"I see, you just met the most talented mechanic on our shop"

"Please Mr. Winchester, you'll make me cocky" Said Michael smiling "I'll be back to work"

"Come Dean" Said John resting his arm on Dean's shoulder, Dean smiled to hide his feelings of rage and sadness, he knew he had right to exist.

* * *

"Here, Cas" Said Sam returning the book to Castiel's hands, the library was really empty that morning

"You already read these!" Said Castiel surprised, Sam was a fast reader

"Yeah!" Said Sam smiling "You know me, I'm a genius"

"If you were a genius you would be dating a famous actress" chucked Castiel putting the books away "Not my sister"

"Hey don't say that, Rachel is really good" Said Sam punching Castiel's shoulder lightly

"Don't tell her I told you that" Said Castiel laughing

"I should, Cas"

"Are you kidding, right?"

"Maybe"

"Sam!" Said Castiel concerned

"I won't" Said Sam padding Castiel's shoulder "Just because you are taking care of my brother"

"Actually" Said Castiel embarrassed "I'm doing a little more than that"

"Do you mean you and Dean are… together?"

"Yes" Said Castiel with a smile "We are"

"Wow, then it's serious, right?"

"I think so"

"Does your sister know?"

"Not yet" Said Castiel looking for others books on the shelf "Maybe tomorrow I'll tell her"

"Well, I could tell her" Said Sam griming "I don't think she will be surprised tough"

"Ok, you can tell her…" Said Castiel handling two others books to Sam

"We are like family now" Smiled Sam taking the books

"Yes, Sam… We are like family" Said Castiel smiling and thinking to himself how great it was.

* * *

"Welcome home" Said Castiel embracing Dean "Where were you at?"

"I needed to talk with my dad" Said Dean kissing Castiel's forehead and hanging his jacket on a chair "He gave me a job"

"That is really good, Dean" Said Castiel sitting on the other chair and smiling, Dean smiled, but he was a little disappointed and upset

"I met your brother"

"Oh" Said Castiel a little sad "I'm sorry"

"Sorry, about what?" Asked Dean embracing Castiel and wrapping his arms around him "It's not your fault, Cas"

"I know, but I feel sad for it…" Said Castiel closing his eyes and kissing Dean's arms "Did he offend you, Dean?"

"No, he doesn't know about me, and that we are together" Said Dean holding Castiel tighter "I should be the one doing the _'comforting thing'_ here; you are braver and stronger than I thought, Cas"

"Dean" said Castiel opening his arms and gripping Dean's wrist lightly "I understand if you don't want to tell him about us"

"I don't mind, Cas" Said Dean resting his chin on Castiel's head "I'll tell him if you like"

"No" Said Castiel meekly "I don't want you to fight with him, Dean"

"But he is an ass!" Said Dean a little upset "I won't hide it from him!"

"I'm not asking you to hide it, Dean" Said Castiel smiling "Just avoid the subject, please"

"I'll do it for you, Cas" Said Dean reluctantly "But if he asks me I'll tell him"

"Thank you" Said Castiel kissing Dean's hand "So you got a job"

"Yes, my daddy is really happy" Said Dean letting go of Castiel and taking a glass of water in the sink

"So am I" Said Castiel watching Dean drinking his cup of water, He looked like a curious child when he noted some kind of necklace on Dean's neck, a strange idol he didn't see before "What is that in your neck?"

"Oh, that?" Said Dean taking his necklace off and showing to Castiel "My Brother gave it to me when I was little, I thought about wearing again"

"OH, it's really strange" Said Castiel taking it in his hand, its felt much more like stone than metal and its color was a goldish ore tone "Is it horns?"

"I think so" Said Dean putting it on his neck again "I feel safer wearing that"

"That's a nice memento" Said Castiel smiling sadly, he could not help but think about his dad, he never saw his face or talked with him, he never knew how he was like

"Cas, why is your brother blond?" Asked Dean curious sitting in the other chair

"Because my father was blond" Chucked Castiel

"Then why aren't you?" Said Dean griming wolfish, Castiel smiled, this was his joke that Dean was trying to pull off

"Hey, this joke is mine!" Said Castiel punching Dean's arm

"Don't get rough on me, Cas" Replied Dean grabbing Castiel's fists "I like it rough"

Castiel laughed softly and kissed Dean's lips wishing that this moment would last forever; Dean released Castiel's fists and held his waist lightly

"I wish I could heal you up" Whispered Dean on Castiel's ears

"You are healing me up, Dean"


	19. A Kiss Before The Storm

"Castiel?" Asked Michel, he was on Castiel's door step "What are you doing here?"

"This is my apartment" Said Castiel confused, what was his brother doing there?

"No, this is Dean's apartment"

"Cas, honey…" Shouted Dean from the bedroom "Where's my jacket?"

"The black one is in the second wardrobe close to the paintings, Dean" Shouted Castiel back, Michael realized what was going on

"You and… Dean?!" He said shocked

"Yes, we live together" Said Castiel trying to feign ignorance; he knew his brother would preach on him like he used to do

"Castiel?!" Said Michael resting his hand on Castiel's shoulder "Brother, you are with another man, you know that isn't right"

"Why?" Asked Castiel upset, he was tired of hiding who he was "Because I love him?"

"That's not love and you know it!" Said Michael trying to be gentle "This is a mental disease, you need to seek for a cure, Little brother"

"Don't call me little brother!" Said Castiel upset "Your little brother was the one you threw on the streets, remember?"

"I already said I'm sorry about that, Cas" Said Michael embracing him "I'm saying that you can be straight if you want, there's treatment for it"

"I'm not sick!" Said Castiel pulling Michael away

"Please, what would our father say, Cas?"

"Nothing, he forsake us" Said Castiel furious, what was his brother doing there? Did he come just to annoy him?

"I see you won't see reason" Said Michael handling a wallet to Castiel "Here, Dean forgot that in the garage"

Castiel took the wallet from Michael hands, Michael griped on Castiel' hand and gave him a commercial card

"Here… if you change your mind, I still love you, little brother" Said Michael turning his back and walking away, Castiel looked at his brother for afar and closed the door, he was furious and sad _'What do we have to fight like this?'_ Thought Castiel squeezing that commercial card slightly

"Cas?" Said Dean getting close to him "What happened?"

"Michael was here" Said Castiel handling Dean's wallet to him

* * *

"Dad, we need to talk" Said Dean walking into John's office

"Of course" Said John taking off his glasses

"You need to fire Michael!" Said Dean sitting on a chair in front of his father's desk

"What?! Are you crazy?!"

"Daddy, he is homophobic!" Said Dean trying to convince his father, John made a serious face

"I know that"

"You know… and you didn't even" Dean stopped the question and asked in an angry tone "What wrong with you?"

"Nothing" said John in a calm manner "Dean, he is one of our best mechanics"

"I know"

"Then why should I fire him Dean, only because he is homophobic?"

"Yes, doesn't that bother you?"

"It does, Dean" Said John sighing "But it's not an excuse to fire him"

"He told Cas he was sick and that he should've sought help, daddy" Said Dean upset "And you want me to stay calm about it?"

"Yes, Dean" Said John in a serious tone "Be professional about it"

Dean breathed deeply and swallowed his angry dry "So he stays?"

"Yes, he does, Dean" Said John sitting on his chair again "Try not to be so upset, Dean, one day maybe he will come to his senses"

"I get that daddy" Said Dean trying to contain his rage "If Cas, didn't make me promise, I would beat him, I would be kicking that homophobic ass right now"

"And Castiel is right, son" Said John embracing Dean "Sometimes we must learn just to accept"

"How does one accept a person like that?"

"You accepted me, Dean" Said John smiling "And I did the same for you"

"But you are different, dad"

"Am I? How is that so?"

"You are my father; no father can hate his son"

"And no brother can truly hate another brother, Dean" Said John padding Dean's back again "Could you hate Sammy?"

"I don't think I could, even if I wanted"

"So, give Michael some time to sort things out on his own, Dean"

Dean stood silent and pulled him father away slowly, John looked at Dean's eyes and smiled

"Give him time like Castiel is doing, Dean"

* * *

"I heard Michael went to your apartment" Said Rachel sitting on a chair close to Castiel, it was afternoon and the library was empty as yesterday "Did you guys fight?"

"A little" Said Castiel pilling some books, he knew Dean told Sam and Sam told Rachel, Castiel wanted to hide it from Rachel, but it was almost inevitable hide something from her "You know Michael, he is… stubborn"

"To put is lightly, yes" Said Rachel faking a smile, she loved Michael, but he had a wrong idea in her opinion about sexuality

"He said I am sick" Continued Castiel trying not to feel angry "And told me I should seek medical help"

"Don't listen to him" Said Rachel upset "He thinks everyone must be straight"

"Still, do you think this is a disease?" Asked Castiel cataloging the books

"Of course not, if it's a sickness why didn't I get infect?"

"I don't know, because you are a woman?"

"Cas, this is just religious bullshit…" Said Rachel caressing Castiel's hair "Don't let them tell you who you can love or can't, it isn't right to judge people based on their sexuality"

"I know, but sometimes I wonder…" Said Castiel breathing deeply "I wonder, if I wasn't gay… would I be married and with children?"

"Cas" Said Rachel sadly "You are fine the way you are, everybody has flaws and missing pieces… But that makes us humans, right?"

"Yes, I guess you are right" Said Castiel smiling, Rachel kissed his cheek and waved him goodbye, Castiel smiled and took the commercial card from his wallet and read it _{We can save your eternal soul, Ex-gay clinical facility}_

"What if they are right?" Asked Castiel to himself.

* * *

"Dean!" Said Lisa embracing him "You work here!"

"Yeah, my daddy owns the place" Said Dean pulling Lisa away, she smiles

"I came to know if my car is already fixed" Said Lisa playing with her hair, Dean's eyes looked at her breasts and the waist line for one second and he got lost in it "Dean, is my car ready?"

"Oh, yes" Said Dean giving the keys to Lisa "Your impala is good to go"

"Thank you" Said she opening the impala's door "You know, Dean… I'm selling it"

"Are you?" Asked Dean excited, he always wanted to have an impala "But this is a beauty!"

"I know, my ex husband loved it" Said she smiling "But now I got Ben to look after, can we trade it for another car?"

"Of course" Said Dean looking at the impala, one of his greatest dreams would come true "What do you have in mind?"

"I'm thinking about an economic type and more common" Said she leaving the car and handling her keys, Dean picked it up and smiled

"I think I got the car you want, Lisa" Said Dean smiling, was Dean attracted to her again? Dean went to his father's office and returned after some minutes, handling her other keys.

"That is just what I needed" Said Lisa taking the keys from Dean's hands "Thank you, Dean"

"Don't thank me; I knew you would need one of these" Said Dean trying not to look at her body

"So how much is it?" Asked Lisa smiling

"Nothing, just go to my father's office so we can sort the papers out"

"Thank you" Said Lisa kissing Dean's lips, it was so suddenly, but by reflex or nostalgia Dean kissed her back, holding her by the waist, he pulled her away gently "I'm sorry" Said she embarrassed "I thought something was going on between us"

"Lisa, I already have someone" Said Dean smiling, it was an awkward situation

"I'm so sorry; I confused everything up" Said she blushing "Because you've been so nice to me, Dean"

"No, it's ok…" Said Dean faking a smile, he was embarrassed too "It's no big deal"

"I'm sorry again" Said she walking towards John's office.


	20. Looking For A Cure

Castiel was shocked, but he couldn't believe in his eyes, Dean and Lisa were kissing on John's mechanical shop. Castiel turned his back, filled with a foreign feeling; a mix of rage, sadness and disappointment. _'Wasn't I enough for him?'_ Thought Castiel walking blindly and bumping into someone "I'm sorry"

"It's ok, Cas" Said Michael smiling "I'm sorry about our fight"

"Not now, Michael" Said Castiel sadly "I'm not ok"

"So you saw" Said Michael pointing towards Lisa and Dean that were talking right now "They make a nice couple"

"Why do you torture me?" Asked Castiel with a tear falling from his face

"Can you see Cas?" Asked Michael holding Castiel's shoulder "You are in Dean's way to have a family with that woman"

"He doesn't like her" Said Castiel a little shaken, he didn't know if it that was true anymore

"Why he kissed her then?"

"I don't know"

"Maybe because he loves her, Cas" Whispered Michael looking at Castiel's eyes

"That's not true, he said he loves me"

"It didn't look like it"

Castiel stood in silence and cried soundless, while Michael embraced him

"Brother, I can help you"

"How?" Said Castiel with his head filled with sorrow, how could Dean betray him like this?

"You can take a month on this ex-gay clinic and be cured" Said Michael caressing Castiel's back lightly "I can take you there now"

"But what do I say to Dean?"

"Nothing" Said Michael whipping Castiel's tears "If you love him, leave him to be happy with a woman"

"But he loves me!" Whispered Castiel

"It's every man dreams to have children and grandchildren, Cas" Whispered Michael giving Castiel a handkerchief "You can't give him any of this"

Castiel stood in silence and realized that maybe Michael was right "I'll give it a chance"

"I'm glad you are listing to me, brother" Said Michael taking Castiel outside "I'll talk with Dean, after we get you to the clinic"

* * *

"Cas, I'm home" Said Dean opening the door "Cas?" Shouted him looking for Castiel on the apartment, but he wasn't there. Dean called Sam to know if Castiel was with him.

"Sammy, is Cas there with you?"

"No, why?" Asked Sam worried

"Because he was supposed to be at home by now"

"Maybe he still on the library"

"No, he isn't, I already called them before coming home… He isn't there"

"That's weirdo" Said Sam after a pause "I'll call Rachel, I'll call you back, Dean"

"Thank you, Sammy" Dean hanged up and took a shower, after eating his dinner he waited, but neither Sam nor Rachel knew about Castiel. Someone knocked on the door, Dean rushed to open it.

"Good evening, Dean" Said Michael

"It's you" Said Dean enraged "What you want?"

"To say Castiel is with me"

"What?!"

"My little brother is treating himself on a clinical center" Said Michael handling Dean a letter "Here"

"You kidnapped your brother and hospitalized him?" Asked Dean furious "Are you insane?"

"Castiel came to me seeking help" Continued Michael "Take it"

"What the meaning of this?" Said Dean taking the letter "I need to talk to him"

"You won't, Castiel needs time to be cured"

"He isn't sick!" Said Dean grabbing Michael by his collar "You son of a bitch! What did you do with Cas?"

"I didn't do anything" Said Michael pulling Dean away "You did, you kissed that woman in front of him!"

Dean made a shocked expression, Lisa kissed him, was Castiel around? "She kissed me!"

"Well it didn't look like it" Said Michael griming

"You son of a bitch!" Said Dean grabbing him again by his collar "You set everything up, didn't you?"

"I didn't do such a thing" Said Michael struggling to escape Dean's grip "You should thank me, now you can have a family and be normal"

Dean punched Michael's face twice and threw him against the wall, he closed his fist, he was about to punch Michael again when he remembered Castiel's smile, for one second his rage ceased, a tear met the ground.

"See, Dean… The very touch of you corrupts, you are a monster!" Said Michael with a victorious grim

"The only monster here is you!" Dean turned his back on Michael and closed the door behind him; all that was left of Castiel was a letter now.

* * *

"Rachel, I'm going to check up on Dean" Said Sam taking his rain coat and car keys

"You'd better do" Said she kissing his cheek "I'm worried about Cas"

"I'm worried with Dean; he doesn't pick up the phone"

"Please, Sam" Pleaded Rachel holding Sam's arm "Be careful, If Dean is in trouble call the police"

"I will Rachel" Said Sam kissing her cheek "I will call you when I got there"

Rachel nodded and Sam left his house, while driving his cell phone rang

"Hello? Who is this?" Asked Sam parking close to a restaurant

"Sam?" It was Castiel's voice

"Cas?" Shouted Sam "Where are you?"

"I'm in a clinic"

"A clinic?" Said Sam surprised "Did something happen to you?"

"No, it's complicated… I need you to do a favor for me"

"Cas, are you all right?"

"I'm fine; can you do a favor for me?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"I need you to stop Dean from following me"

"Cas, wait… What is going on?"

"Sam, I need time to decide for myself if I'm on the right path"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm in a clinic that treats gay people"

"You what?"

"Please listen to me, Sam"

Sam stood in silence and Castiel continued in a hoarse voice

"Dean will come after me… Please, convince him to let me be for a while"

"Why? Cas, he loves you"

"I know, I love him too"

"So why do you need to do this?"

"If I'm wrong Sam, then I'm stealing Dean's choice to have a family"

"Dean already has a family, you"

"No, Sam" Said Castiel after a dry cough "We are just like family"

"Cas, you should talk to him and settle this"

"I can't Sam, please, stop Dean from making more mistakes... Like me."


	21. I'm Clean

l

"_Dean,_

_I know I love you, but I really don't know if you love me or if you love Lisa, I saw you two kissing, but it didn't broke my heart as much I thought it would, maybe because I knew that you were never truly mine to begin with. My brother will probably give you this letter, please try not to fight with him, but if you already did, please don't hate him._

_I'm giving you a chance to have a son and grandsons, a chance to be a family man, because I know I love you, it's ok if you choose to love Lisa, I can understand why. But right now, I need some time away from you Dean, not because I'm unsure what I feel for you, but I need a time away from you so that you can choose without my interference._

_I'm also ending our relationship, perhaps my brother is right, I should seek treatment for… all of it, I'm glad I met you; please take care of my apartment, one day I promise I'll come back._

_We have been though much together, you and I... I'm so sorry it had to end up like this._

_Castiel_."

l

Dean read Castiel's letter carefully as a holy page, moving his lips slowly as if he didn't hummed every word a part of Castiel would not come back to his arms.

"You promised me you wouldn't leave me, Cas"

Dean squeezed the letter against his chest and lied on the bed, tired and alone. He knew he loved Castiel, if he only could find him, if he could talk to him.

* * *

"God, am I in the right path?" Whispered Castiel with his knees on the floor, it was a rainy day outside of the chapel, the sunlight marked the floor and the empty wood benches "Please, give me a sign… Or else I'll just do what I think its right"

Castiel stood in silence, trying to hear God's voice, waiting for something to happen. But nothing happened; his prayers were answered with silence, day after day, only silence and prayers. _'Why?'_ thought Castiel, everyday he would read and talk with the others, to find where did he went wrong.

'_When did I fall from grace?'_ thought Castiel again while looking at his reflection on the window _'Why?'_

Another day came, Castiel opened his eyes and came out of his bed "It's been a week" Whispered him "But it feels like a year"

It was a generic place, some kind of pseudo therapy clinic, Castiel would talk with a therapist that suggested him how to deal with his homosexual feelings, but every time it felt like copping with it, or hiding it, not curing it in any way.

'_God, are you there?'_ Thought Castiel while ignoring his therapist's voice saying something about a new way to become straight _'God?'_

"Castiel?" Said his therapist "Are you listening to me?"

"I'm sorry" Said Castiel looking at the old man's face "I just spaced out"

"I was saying that your homosexual latent feelings comes from your daddy issues"

"What does that mean?"

"That you didn't build a male figure on your mental profile, thus leaving your brain to fill the gaps"

"I still don't get it"

"You need re-build your metal identity as a male"

"And how do I do that?"

"We have a new technique, if you really want to get rid of this feelings, I could prescribe it for you"

"Which kind of techniques are we talking about?"

"Well, to put it in a simple way, its hypnosis and brain reprogramming"

"Is that stuff, dangerous?"

"Only in the wrong hands" Said the therapist taking his glasses off, Castiel smiled nervous and nodded, not really agreeing, but he was curious about it.

'_Can I become straight?' _ Thought him while the old man went on and on about how it would happen if Castiel wanted to go under this kind of treatment _'God, I need a sign'_

* * *

"He asked what?!" Shouted Dean at Sam, who was sitting on a chair in the kitchen

"Cas asked me to stop you for a while"

"Why would he do that?" Said Dean sitting too, the apartment was a mess. It was almost two weeks Castiel was away.

"He told me he wanted to give you a chance to have a family"

"This nonsense again" Shouted Dean angry "I just want him, I don't want children, and I would probably spoil them"

"Are you sure about all that, Dean?"

"Of course I am, Sammy!"

"Look, I am just saying that, if Cas thinks you didn't think it though, you should listen to him"

"Did you lose your mind, Sammy?"

"No, Dean, listen to me!"

"No, Sammy, I'm out" Said Dean storming out Castiel's apartment

"Where are you going Dean?"

"Find Cas, and I won't coming back until I find him"

"Dean" Shouted Sam on the hallway, but Dean was gone by now _'Jerk'_ Thought Sam while closing the apartment's door.

* * *

"Castiel, can you tell me how do you feel this morning?" Said the therapist with a note pad in his hand, he was on a big fussy chair that made him look small

"I feel fine, thank you" Replied Castiel in a monotone voice

"What about your behavioral deviations?" Asked the therapist while taking some notes

"I no longer feel any of them" Said Castiel looking at the window and smiling "I'm Clean"

"I'm glad you went over our hypnosis therapy" Said the therapist smiling "You are ready to leave us"

"Then I should go to my room and pack my things" Said Castiel nodding and leaving the room, while Castiel crossed the garden a hand grabbed him by his shoulder

"Cas?!" Said Dean surprised "It's you!" Continued him embracing Castiel "I found you!"

"Dean?!" Said Castiel surprised "What are you doing here?"

"I came to rescue you" Said Dean holding Castiel's hands and kissing it lightly, Castiel pulled his hand away surprised, taking some distance

"What are you doing?!" Said Castiel with his eyes wide in surprise, twisting his mouth disgusted "What is wrong with you?"

"Cas?" Asked Dean shocked, he was heartbroken _'Cas? What happened with you?'_ "Cas, what they've done to you?"

"They made me clean" Said Castiel smiling, he sounded strange, brainwashed was the right word for it "I'm normal"

"You were normal!" Shouted Dean holding Castiel's shoulders "What is going on?"

"Dean" Said Castiel pulling Dean away "I'm clean"

"Cas?!"

"Please leave me, Dean"

"I can't, Cas" Said Dean getting closer "I need you, I won't leave here without you"

Castiel smiled softly and turned his back "I'm leaving here and returning to my apartment, you are welcome to be my roommate… But there won't be anything between us, beside friendship, Dean"

"Cas, but I love you!" Castiel just walked away without looking at Dean

"I'm sorry, Dean" He whispered "I'm clean"


	22. He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

"Yes, he is back, dad" Said Dean under a car "He returned yesterday"

"Then, what's wrong?" Asked John holding a lantern "You got him back, right?"

"No, he says he is straight now" Continued Dean after a long pause "They brainwashed him, dad"

"Yeah, I heard about those guys in the television" Said John handling a tool to Dean "They say they can cure gay people"

"A bunch of bullshit!"

"Hun, apparently…"

"What do you think, dad?"

"I think Castiel loves you, or at least loved… Everything seems pretty... Fishy"

"I think that too"

"So what you are going to do?"

"Don't know dad"

"Well" Said John after a pause to whip some sweat off his forehead "If I were you, I would break into that place and search for a 'cure' to the 'cure', got it?"

"Dad?" Asked Dean coming under the car "That is an awesome idea… I'll need a day off"

* * *

"Sam, you let Dean find me, didn't you?" said Castiel handling him two books

"He would find you eventually, Cas" Said Sam taking the books "You know that you don't let Dean do things, he just does"

"I guess you are right" Said Castiel smiling, even his smile was off, it's felt insanely calm

"They messed with your head, didn't they?

Castiel just smiled

"Cas, I'm worried about you"

"Don't be Sam, I'm ok now"

"There wasn't anything wrong with you, Cas" Said Sam sympathetically "But now I'm not so sure"

Castiel just smiled again and picked a book from the shelve "The Metamorphose by Kafka, one day a man wakes up and realized he turned into a big insect during the night, I always liked this book, now it doesn't make sense anymore"

"This book is written figuratively, Cas" Said Sam turning away _'Wait'_ thought Sam_ 'Is Castiel saying that he felt like an insect before or that he is one now?'_

"Maybe some things only make sense in the right moment in somebody's life"

"Cas, be honest with me" Said Sam looking at Castiel "Do you still love Dean?"

"Dean, is like a brother to me" Said Castiel smiling again, but it was an empty smile, it was like someone took his real smile and replaced it, maybe Castiel went through a metamorphose under the night, and that was his insect form.

* * *

"Hello, Dean" Said Castiel sitting on the couch, Dean just arrived with a big bag

"Evening, Cas" Said Dean walking towards the kitchen

"How are you doing?" Shouted Castiel from the living room

"Good, I guess and you?" Shouted Dean back after drinking a sip of a water

"I'm good" Said Castiel opening the icebox

"That's good to know" Said Dean frowning his eye brown "So this is the new you..."

"Yes"

"How it's like to be straight?"

"I feel, clean"

"Clean?" Asked Dean, it was strange how even his vocabulary changed "Cas?"

"Yes?" Said Castiel taking a yogurt from the icebox

"What they did to you?"

"They opened my eyes…" Said Castiel with that vague smile again "For the world"

"So you don't love me anymore?" Whispered Dean grabbing Castiel's collar like he used to do

"D-Dean?!" Stammered Castiel resting the yogurt on the counter

"Say you don't love me, Cas" Continued Dean looking into Castiel's eyes "Say you don't love me and I'll go away… forever"

"Dean, I don't want you to go away" Said Castiel holding Dean's forearm to get some distance "You are like a brother to me"

"No! Cas!" Whispered Dean on Castiel's chin, kissing it lightly "Please, don't do this to me"

"Dean" Said Castiel trying to pull Dean away, but his grip was too tight on Castiel's collar "Let me go!"

"I won't let you go, if you don't tell me" Said Dean with a pause kissing Castiel's mouth lightly "Tell me if you love or not"

"I don't know, Dean" Shouted Castiel placing his hand on Dean's chest "I don't know! Please stop, Dean, you are hurting me…"

Dean released Castiel that ran to his room like scared child, he sat on the chair and rested his head on the counter _'Why can he just tell me he hates me, it would be so much easier to give up on him' _Thought Dean punching the counter in frustration, his phone rang.

"This is not a good time"

"Dean, it's Sam"

"Sammy, this is really not the time dude!"

"But Dean, I found out something about that _institution"_ Said Sam with a victorious tone, Dean almost could see Sam's smile though the phone

"Sammy, please tell me its good news" Whispered Dean looking around, he wanted to make sure Cas wasn't listening

"Its, very good news Dean"

"Then, tell me!"

"This 'Clinic' uses hypnosis to treat patients"

"Hypnosis, isn't that thing that makes people act like dogs or chickens?"

"Yes, Dean… There a lot of uses for hypnosis, one is behavioral change induced by trance"

"Then I just need to break Castiel's trance?"

"Yes, but it's not as simple as rigging a bell or whistling… We need to know what triggers his trance, and then we need to revert this before it be triggered again"

"Sammy, In English now, please."

"Castiel's trance needs to be maintained by triggering it with some frequency, or else it will revert by itself"

"When I find the trigger, what do I do?"

"Call me, we need to know which trigger is, so that we can act on it"

"Thank you, Sammy" Said Dean hanging up, he already knew what to look for, now he needed to talk with Cas about what just happened.


	23. Anyone, But You

"Cas, I'm sorry" Said Dean knocking on the bedroom's door

"Dean, leave me please!" Shouted Castiel without opening the door

"Cas, please talk to me" Castiel stood in silence, but Dean wouldn't give up on him and knew it "I'm sorry I kissed you, it won't happen again"

"Why do you keep testing me, Dean?"

"Because I love you"

"You don't love me, Dean… Please stop saying that you do, I'm clean"

"I can't stop saying I love you… Not after all we've been though"

"That was a mistake, Dean" Said Castiel opening the door "The Castiel you knew is gone!"

"It wasn't a mistake" Said Dean holding the door open "It was the best thing that ever happened to me"

Castiel smiled again, but emptiness were on his eyes, not warmth "I'm glad I meant something to you, Dean"

"You mean, Cas, you mean to me much more that you know!" Shouted Dean holding Castiel's arms, Castiel smiled for one second, like before, it was a miracle, but something happened to him that forced him to pull Dean away and close the door.

"Dean, Leave me… Please"

"Cas, don't you realize that they brainwashed you, let me help" Said Dean knocking on the door again

"No, Dean… I'm clean, I'm normal… I am clean" Repeated Castiel in pauses, ignoring Dean

"Cas?" Asked Dean knocking on the door, But Castiel now was in silence, Dean turned his back and rested it on the door, sitting, he decided to wait _'Cas, We can turn this around'_

* * *

"Dean?" Asked Castiel opening the door, Dean smiled. He was sleeping like a baby. Castiel stood there and watched him sleep, he thought about what happened to him, the millions of times he repeated to himself he was clean, that he was normal, how painful was to be clean now that he didn't need to be.

Castiel never talked with Dean about that day when Lisa and Dean kissed, he used to walk away every time Dean started to talk about it.

"Cas… I love you" Mumbled Dean on the floor; he looked like a child 'Was he waiting for me?' Thought Castiel smiling 'We cannot be, Dean… It's wrong'

Castiel brought a blanket and a pillow, he rested Dean's head on the pillow and covered him, Dean smiled again, the floor wasn't that cold, but that night was cold-ish.

"Cas…" Dean mumbled again in his sleep, Castiel smiled, his heart was burning like fire.

"I'm clean" Whispered Castiel to himself, it helped him to focus, it gave him relieve somehow "I'm doing this for you, Dean…" Whispered Castiel caressing Dean's hair, he wanted to kiss Dean, but he felt repulsed only by thinking about it.

Castiel walked toward the kitchen to get a cup of water 'God… Am I clean, now?' Thought him while drinking a glass of water.

"Cas" Asked Dean drowse with the blanket on his shoulders, walking into the kitchen "Thank you"

"Dean, hun…" Stammered Castiel embarrassed "You are welcome"

"Cas, we need to talk about that day…" Said Dean, his face in an ashamed expression "When Lisa and I kissed"

"Dean, you don't have to say anything"

"I do, Cas" Said Dean sitting on a chair "You deserve to know, at least that" Continued Dean looking at the floor, he was partially ashamed, because he liked and partially guilty, because he would keep it as a secret. He was there now confessing and hoping that it would bring Castiel back to him. "She kissed me… I won't lie to you, Cas… I like it, pretty much. I felt like I was young again, but something was missing, you… You were missing"

Castiel smiled with a tear coming down on his cheek "It's doesn't matter anymore, Dean, I want you to be with Lisa… It will be good to you."

"No, it won't be, Cas!" Shouted Dean punching the counter "Anyone, but you won't be good to me, Cas!"

"Dean, I…" Said Castiel, but he stopped, his words got stuck in his mouth… "I'm clean" Castiel heard himself say it, his expression was calm, but he was not there.

"Cas?" Asked Dean worried, he noticed Castiel's suddenly change "Are you all right?"

"Dean… I… Need… Help" Said Castiel struggling, something was definitely wrong with him, Castiel just closed his eyes and fell on the ground; Dean took him in his arms and placed him on the bed

"Cas, please… speak to me!" Whispered Dean with his face on Castiel's chin "Please, don't leave me"

* * *

"How is he?" Asked Sam walking into the waiting room, it was late of night at the hospital

"Still unconscious" Said Dean walking in circles on the room

"Did the doctors say what is going on?"

"They said he had a nervous breakdown… It happens when someone is under a lot of stress"

Sam padded Dean's shoulder in sympathy; Dean closed his eyes and breathed deeply "It's my fault"

"Don't blame yourself, Dean" Said Sam embracing Dean "Cas is strong, he will be fine"

"No, Sammy… I tried to break his trance all by myself, and I broke him"

"Where is my brother?" Asked Michael walking into the room worried "What have you done to him?!"

"You!" Shouted Dean grabbing Michael by his collar "That's your fault, you've done this to Castiel"

"Dean!" Shouted Sam trying to break them apart, but Dean gripped tight on Michael's collar

"You crazy, you aren't even his family" Said Michael trying to escape Dean's grip

"I'm more his family than you!" Shouted Dean letting him go "I would never let some crazy Doctor mess with my brother's head"

Michael stood in silence, he was ashamed. Dean turned his back and sat on a chair while Michael talked with the doctors. It was the beginning of a big, long and painful day.

Rachel was crying on Sam's shoulder, she just arrived at hospital, Michael was sitting by her side and Dean was on Sam's side of the bench.

"I'm sorry" Said Michael to Dean without looking at his eyes "I thought I was doing what was right for Cas"

"And look what you've done!" Mumbled Dean angrily, Sam looked at Dean with a disapproving face

"Dean" He said holding Rachel that was now sleeping soundly on his arms "Be nice"

"How can I?" Said Dean standing up and turning his back on Michael "All that matters is Cas now"

"You are right" Said Michael standing up and resting his hand on Dean's shoulder "I'm sorry, Dean… I mean it"

"You should 'say sorry' to your brother, not to me" Said Dean without looking at Michael, because he knew he would be angry, now he realized what Cas meant by "It's hard to forgive and look at these eyes" it was hard to forgive Michael, he took Cas away from him.

"I will, Dean… But I caused you pain, too" Continued Michael smiling sadly, Dean looked at his face with his lips trembling with angry and sadness, he was angry at Michael, but sad because Cas wasn't in his right mind "I love my brother, I never meant him any warm"

"Well" Said Dean sitting again after taking Michael's hand off his shoulder "Good job"

"Dean!" Exclaimed Sam with the same 'be nice' expression

"No, it's ok… Sam" Said Michael sitting again "I screw up, but now I understand"

"Do you?" Asked Dean suspicious

"Yeah, Cas was fine…" Continued Michael with his hands on his face "Until I tried to change him… For 'Better'"

Dean nodded in silence, he wasn't angry anymore, it took a while, but it seemed that Michael finally got real _'Thank you, old man'_ thought Dean.


	24. Say My Name

"Good morning, Cas" Said Dean sitting on a chair next to Cas's hospital bed "Are you feeling ok?"

"I'm fine…" Said Castiel rubbing his eyes and looking around, Castiel and Dean were alone in the room "What happened?"

"You collapsed" Said Dean fluffing his pillows "The doctor said you were under stress, physiologic stress."

"I see" Said Castiel closing his eyes "I'm sorry, but now I feel better"

"Then do you believe me?" Asked Dean sitting on the chair again "That you were under a trance?"

"I don't know, but I felt like it wasn't me talking before… I collapsed"

"What have they done to you?"

"They hypnotized me I think" Said Castiel unsure opening his eyes again "I don't remember much"

"Then I need to go to this clinic and find out" Said Dean standing up, Castiel grabbed Dean's hand tight

"Please, Dean… Don't go alone" Whispered Castiel, Dean smiled in a boyish way, Cas's true smile was on his face again. Castiel realized that he didn't feel any repulsion by touching Dean's hands; it's felt good to be himself again "Also, I'm sorry… I just wanted to be straight and I screwed things up"

"You still my angel, right?" Asked Dean kissing his cheek "But this time I'll heal you, Cas"

Castiel smiled and gripped Dean's hand tighter, his fear of losing himself again was there despite his smile. _'Thank you, Dean'_ thought Castiel while closing his eyes, he slept. The medication was making effect_ 'Good to see you again, Cas'_ Thought Dean while leaving the room.

* * *

"Can I see him?" Asked Michael to Dean coming into the waiting room

"He is asleep" Said Dean grabbing his jacket from a chair

"Is he fine?" Said Michael sitting back "What did he said?"

"He is fine; I guess I broke his trance… But I don't know if we'll be ok tomorrow or after, we need to undo what they've done to him"

"Then let's go" Said Michael standing up "To the clinic, right?"

"Sam, stay here with Rachel and if something happens with Cas, call me" Said Dean padding Sam's shoulder, Sam nodded "If you want to help, let's go"

* * *

Dean and Michael arrived on the clinic it was afternoon, Dean took two days to find the clinic at the first time he came to 'rescue' Castiel, now things were different, he needed to know how to mend Castiel's broken pieces.

Michael walked fast in front of Dean, if it was remorse or rage that drove him to the doctor's office or not, Dean just couldn't tell, but he realized Michael would protect his brother like Dean would protect Sam.

"You! "Shouted Michael walking into the doctor's office, the old man was surprised "What did you do to my brother?"

"I cured him" Said the doctor confused "What is the meaning of all of it?"

"My brother had a nervous breakdown!" Shouted Michael again, Dean held him stopping Michael to hurt the old man

"Just tell us what to do to get him back to the normal" Said Dean in a calm manner "And we'll leave"

"I hypnotized him, by his request I might add" Said the doctor diplomatically "He knew the risks"

"How can you be so cold about it?!" Shouted Michael again

"How could you?" Replied the doctor with a smile "You wanted him straight and cured, he is cured now"

"That's not a cure!" Shouted Michael "This is… Brainwashing!"

"Michael, wait for me outside"

"No, Dean!"

"Michael!" Shouted Dean, Michael nodded and left the room reluctantly, the doctor breathed out relieved

"I thought he would hit me"

"I will, if you don't tell me how to undo what you've done" Said Dean angrily, the doctor shook like a leaf, Dean knew who to get answers and he was too tired to play bad cop and good cop;

"I-I c-could call the clinic's security" Stammered the doctor

"They wouldn't get here in time" Grimed Dean "So, tell me how to undo this, doc"

"It's not that simple… You need to make him realized who he is, he needs to question about himself and what he is doing"

"How I do this?"

"By making him remember, make him remember who he is… It will won't be an easy task" Said the doctor resting his glasses on the table.

"My brother told me you guys use some kind of trigger and Castiel's trigger is…?"

"Well, you won't like it" Said the doctor nervous "It someone's name, he used to say it on his sleep"

"Whose name is it?" Shouted Dean impatiently

"It's Dean" Said the doctor scared, he knew that this was Dean, Castiel used to talk a lot about his ex-boyfriend, it was part of the therapy "I presume it's you, right?"

"Thank you" Said Dean turning around and walking thought the door _'So my name is the trigger!'_ Thought Dean a litter hurt, it was the perfect solution, Castiel always said his name, even in his sleep _'So what do I do now?'_

While walking though the hallway, Dean realized that the clinic was almost empty _'where are the others patients and the nurses?'_ Thought Dean, Michael came to him anxious:

"What did he said?"

"To break Castiel's trance, we need to make him remember who he is"

"That's not much to go on"

"It's enough for me" Said Dean looking around and leaving to the car

"Dean?" Asked Michael sitting on the passenger sit "Why is this clinic so empty?"

"I don't know, but I've got an idea about what is going on"

* * *

"Cas?" Asked Rachel sitting in a chair by his side "Are you ok?"

"Rachel" Said Castiel smiling and holding her hand "I'll be"

"Why?"

"Why?" Repeated Castiel confused

"Why you had to let Michael take you there? You were happy, weren't you?"

"I don't know, Rachel… It's felt right that time, but now I'm not so sure"

"Look what they've done to you, Cas!"

"I did it to myself" Whispered Castiel "I always hated to be… To like boys, Rachel"

"But it's who you are"

"I know, and I hated myself even more for that" Said Castiel with his eyes wet, full of sorrow

"I never, thought you felt that way"

"I hated myself for a long time, Rachel… But now, I get that, no matter what I do… I can't run from myself"

"I wish I could help you"

"You are helping me, Rachel… But now, I need time"

"Brother" Said Rachel embracing him "Call me if you need me, ok?"

"I will, Rachel…." Said Castiel smiling "But I think I'll be ok."

"Dean and Michael can help you" Said Rachel kissing Castiel's forehead

"I think Michael already helped me enough, Rachel" Said Castiel in a hurtful tone "I just don't want to see him for a while"

"Cas, I know he screwed up… But he still our brother"

"Is he? Rachel?" Said Castiel closing his eyes "I am tired to be pushed around by him"

"Give him another chance, Cas…" Said Rachel trying somehow to avoid a fight "I know he is an idiot, but he just wanted the best for you"

"I don't know, if he wanted the best for me or for himself…" Said Castiel drowse "He was always ashamed, because of me."


	25. Don't Say My Name

"D.." Castiel tried to say Dean's name, but Dean interrupted him quickly while coming into the room

"Don't say my name, Cas" Castiel smiled confused

"Why?"

"Because that's what keeps you in trance" Said Dean opening the curtains, it was a happy sunny day, the sun light filled the tiny hospital room "Until Sammy and I figure out how to break this trance properly, don't say my name"

Castiel smiled warm and rested his head back on the pillow "Are you ok?"

"Yes, shouldn't I ask you that?" Said Dean sitting on a chair close to Castiel's bed "You are the one that had a collapse"

"Yes, but you look like you need to sleep" Dean smiled, he was outside the whole night waiting to see Castiel again

"I couldn't sleep… I was worried about you, Cas" Said Dean holding Castiel's hand, Castiel squeezed it lightly with a smile on his face

"I'm sorry"

"About what?" Asked Dean confused

"I left you, I broke my promise…" Dean smiled and kissed Castiel's hand

"It doesn't matter, it was my fault too"

"D" Said Castiel interrupting himself "It's difficult not to say your name, while I'm talking to you…"

"Don't worry, I can fix that" Said Dean kissing Castiel forehead "I'll be back to see you, I swear"

"Thank you" Whispered Castiel while Dean left the room _'Please don't give up on me' _Thought Castiel while closing his eyes.

* * *

"Your name!" Exclaimed Sam sitting on the couch "That is really smart"

"I know Sammy, how do we undo this?" Asked Dean closing the apartment door, Sam just arrived to discuss about Cas's trance

"Well, you could change your name" Said Sam chucking, Dean ignored Sam and punched him in the shoulder

"No jokes, bitch"

"Ouch! You jerk" Said Sam after a pause "That's it!"

"What?"

"Don't you see Dean, you just gave me an idea!" Said Sam standing up "The doctor told you, Castiel need to question himself and he will realized he is under a trance and wake up, right?"

"Yes, so?"

"So you need to tell him you don't love him anymore"

"What?!" Shouted Dean "Do you want another punch, Sammy?"

"Dean, look" Said Sam smiling "You need to shock Castiel, they hypnotized him to resist your love for him, right? Then all you gotta do is give up on him"

"I would never do that!"

"Exactly!" Said Sam smiling wider "You just need to pretend, take it from me"

"Sammy, if this makes him goes crazier, I'll kick your giant's ass!"

"Trust me, Dean" Said Sam dialing in his mobile

"What you are doing?"

"Calling Rachel, I'll give her the impression you are giving up on Cas"

"Sammy, she will be pissed at me!" Shouted Dean "Are you crazy?"

"No, we need to fool her too"

"That's better work, Sammy" Said Dean sitting on the couch _'Why can I have a normal relationship?' _Though Dean

* * *

"You son of a bitch!" Shouted Rachel storming in John's office, Dean was talking to him father when she interrupted "What kind of man it's you, Dean?"

"Excuse me" Said John confused "Rachel are you ok?"

"John, your son is a dog!" Continued she crossing her arms, Dean smiled nervous _'Sam, you gonna pay for sick-ing your girlfriend on me"_

"Slow down young lady" Said John standing up "Dean, what is that all about?"

"I really don't know, dad" Said Dean feigning ignorance

"You want to dump my brother!" Shouted Rachel angrily "He needs you, and it's you goddamn fault that he is in the hospital to begin with!"

"Dean, is that true?" Asked John sitting down again

"That's not true… entirely" Said Dean nervous "I'll just realized we are growing apart"

"You dog!" Said Rachel turning away "You'd better talk to him about it, Dean!"

Rachel stormed out in rage, John smiled and asked

"What are you up to, Dean?" Dean smiled boy-ish

"Why can I hide anything from you, dad?"

"Your dad is smart, son" Chucked John "You can fool everybody, but me"

"It's all Sammy's fault, Dad!"

"Ok, what you brother told you to do now, Dean?"

"It is a long story, Dad"

* * *

"Cas, good afternoon" Said Rachel waking into his room

"Rachel!" Said He surprised "I thought you would be working right now"

"I took a day off to see you"

"Come on closer, sit" Said Castiel pointing to the chair, Rachel sat and continued

"Are you and he getting along?"

"I guess we are, despite everything that happened"

"That's good" Said she smiling nervous _'I need to tell him…'_ thought Rachel _'but if I'm wrong?'_

"You are quiet, is something wrong?"

"No, I was just wondering… if things don't go work out with him, I have a friend or two that are single"

"Rachel?" Asked Castiel suspicious "Is there something you aren't telling me?"

"Of course not, Cas" Said she trying to feign ignorance "I'm just saying that he isn't perfect, I'm afraid he hurts you… That's all"

"Don't you worry, He said he loves me"

"Love doesn't last, Cas… Remember when you told me love doesn't exist?"

"I was sad that time, Rachel, it doesn't mean it was true"

"But it doesn't mean that it isn't, Cas" Said She grabbing her hand, Castiel smiled sadly

"I'm sorry you feel that way" Said Castiel closing his eyes "I'm not sure if it would be something bad after all"

Rachel caressed Castiel's hair and thought _'I know that Dean will hurt you, Cas… And I can't do a thing to avoid that, I'm so sorry, Cas'_

"I still feel, strange, Rachel" Continued Castiel smiling "Those last few days were confusing, I don't know what is right or wrong anymore"

"I know that you've been though many hard situations this moth Cas" Said she resting her head on his chest "I'm be here for you, Cas, that what's family for right?"

"Thank you, Rachel… I couldn't ask for a better sister"

"You know, Cas… I always admired you"

"Really?"

"Yes, you were the one that used to fight Michael even when he was right" Said Rachel chucking "I've always loved the way you would stick up for the weak"

"I was one of then, Rachel" Chucked Castiel "It isn't that hard when you are weak yourself"

"I don't think so" Continued she smiling "It's harder to heal than it's to kill, that's why everybody likes you… You are like a…"

"An angel?" Asked Castiel chucking

"Yes, an angel…" Chucked Rachel "An angel of Thursday"

"That's seems fitting, since my birth was on Thursday" Laughed Castiel

"Father would be proud of you!" Whispered she


	26. The End

"Welcome back home" Said Dean while Castiel walked into the living room, it was morning, Castiel stayed just a few days in the hospital, Dean would visit in everyday on evenings

"Thank you" Said Castiel smiling, Sam told Dean to 'break up' with Castiel today, because the trance was growing weaker "I see you cleaned"

"Yes, I did" Said Dean proud, Castiel sat on the couch and Dean stood right in front of him in silence, searching for the right words

"Is something wrong?"

"Cas, we need to talk about us" Said Dean reluctantly, he didn't want to break Castiel's heart, it was ironical that he had to do it in order to help Cas "About our relationship"

"What about it?"

"That we don't have any" Said Dean trying not to feel hurt by it, Castiel smiled confused

"But you said you loved me" Continued he looking at Dean's eyes "Were you lying to me?"

_'No, I wasn't, Cas'_ Thought Dean, but instead he said "No, I just realized you were right… I still love Lisa" Dean watched Castiel reaction, a nervous smiled rose in his face

"Excuse me?" Said Castiel "You… This is a joke, right?"

"No, Cas" Said Dean sadly, it was hurting him more than Castiel "I don't love you anymore"

Castiel stood in silence and looked at the floor, searching for an explanation "Don't you love me?"

"No, I don't" Repeated Dean, he wanted to say the opposite, but it wouldn't help Castiel "I don't love you"

Castiel lift his eyes meeting Dean's eyes, and stood there shocked in silence "Why?"

Dean just smiled feigning sympathy, Castiel stood up and grabbed him by his collar "Why, tell me why?"

"It doesn't matter, I love Lisa and not you" Said Dean serious, but his insides were hurting while he said that, Dean wanted to embrace Castiel and kiss him and tell he would never leave, but he stood there serious _'It's from your own good, Cas… Forgive me' _thought Dean

"Why are you doing this to me?" Continued Castiel shaking Dean by his collar "You liar, say you love me!"

"I don't, and you know it…." Said Dean breaking inside "We just had our fun and it's over"

"We had fun?!" Shouted Castiel shocked

"Why do you care?" Asked Dean griming, it was his wolfish grim again "You don't love me right? You are straight"

"You son of a bitch!" Cursed Castiel holding Dean against the wall

"Face it Cas, you just wanted sex" Said Dean in the cruelest way he could "You just wanted someone, because you felt alone"

"That's not true!"

"You wanted someone so much that you didn't mind to go gay for me" Said Dean holding Castiel's forearms "You just used me too"

"You jerk!" Shouted Castiel enraged

"Prove me wrong, Cas" Asked Dean with all the insolence he could feign "All you wanted was sex, like all straight perverted guys"

"No, I'm not like this!" Shouted Castiel again pressing Dean against the wall again

"I don't have to hear that bullish from you!" Said Dean pulling Castiel away and turning his back "I don't love you, I never did…" Dean breathed deeply reminding him that it needed to be said "Neither have you, you never loved me"

"That a lie, a vicious lie" Shouted Castiel

"Is it?" Asked Dean turning back again and looking at Castiel's eyes "How would you know?"

"Because…" Stammered Castiel with tears in his eyes "Because… Because I love you, you idiot!"

Dean smiled, embracing Castiel he whispered "I know, I love you too, Cas"

Castiel cried on his shoulder and embraced him back "You are an idiot, you know"

"It was Sam's idea" Whispered Dean again "It was the only way to bring you back to me, Cas"

"Thank you, Dean" Said Castiel while feeling a weigh being lift off his shoulder the trance was broken "Thank you" Whispered Castiel a few times

"You are welcome, Cas" Said Dean holding Castiel's face

"Kiss me" Whispered Castiel with a smiled "So that I know it's not a dream, that it's real and that finally God listened to my prayers"

Dean kissed Castiel lightly on his lips "What did you prayed for?"

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable" Said Castiel with his thumb on Dean's chin "But I prayed for you happiness"

* * *

Someone knocked on the door, Castiel opened to find Michael smiling embarrassed:

"Cas, I'm sorry" Castiel breathed deeply and just stood in silence "I know that I've been a bad brother, but I never meant you any warm"

"I know, Michael… I'm not angry"

"Thank you, Cas… I know dad would be proud of you"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Michael" Said Castiel smiling "I don't care anymore about him, I think I'll move to another city"

"What?! But you said you would wait for him to come back"

"I'm tired of waiting for him, I need to start anew"

"I understand, maybe this is time for a new beginning"

"It is" Said Castiel embracing Michael "I forgive you, brother"

"I always admired you, little brother" Said Michael, a tear fell from his cheek and Castiel smiled, it was good to see that Michael had a soft side. His brother finally accepted him for who he was.

"Same here, big brother" Whispered Castiel

* * *

"Cas!" Shouted Rachel embracing him

"Rachel?" Said Castiel confused, he just opened his apartment door "What are you doing here?"

"Sam just told me you were alright now" Said she sitting on the couch "I'm so happy"

"So am I" Said Dean walking into the room "Someone owns me an apology"

"Suck it up, Dean" Replied Rachel "You kind of deserved"

"You two fought?" Asked Castiel confused

"Yes, Dean fooled me too, Cas"

"I see" Said Castiel chucking "You knew my sister wouldn't keep a secret"

"Hey!" Shouted Rachel "I can keep a secret"

"I'm glad that is a lie" Chucked Dean, Castiel laughed and embraced him

"Well, I'm leaving now" Said Rachel walking towards the door "So that you two can be by yourselves"

"Rachel!" Said Castiel embarrassed, She left with a smiled on her face, it was funny pick on Castiel

"So we are boyfriend again, right?" Asked Dean a little embarrassed

"I guess so" Said Castiel kissing Dean's cheek "Why?"

"Here" Said Dean handling Castiel a little box "Open it"

"What is the occasion?" Asked Castiel opening the box

"You came back to me, that's a day to remember" Said Dean smiling, Castiel realized that was Dean's necklace "It's a protection charm, I want you to keep it"

"Thank you" Said Castiel putting it on "I know how much it means to you… But what about your protection?"

"I've got you for that, remember?"

"Oh" Chucked Castiel "Yes, guardian angel duty"

"Right"

"And what is the hunter's duty?"

"Keep you away from troubles, and keep your evil ex-boyfriend away too"

"That's good" Said Castiel kissing Dean's lips "Don't _you_ ever change"

"I promise I won't" Dean sat on the couch and smiled "So what now?"

"Let's move and buy a home in another city"

"Really?!" Said Dean surprised

"Yes, maybe I'll paint again"

"So my librarian will be an artist?"

"Maybe"

"Then we can get married right?"

"What?!"

"Well, I gave you a necklace and all; doesn't it count as a proposal?"

"Of course not!" Chucked Castiel, Dean looked into his eyes and went down on one knee

"Cas, will you marry me?"

"This isn't legal in this state Dean" Said Castiel smiling, it was good to be back, Dean laughed

"Then, let's run to Canada!" Said Dean holding Castiel's waist "Don't you want to marry me?"

"It's not that I don't want to marry you, Dean…"

"Then, is it a yes?" Asked Dean smiling "I'm begging you, Cas"

Castiel kissed Dean's lips and held him closer; he smiled and whispered "I'm not good luck, Dean… Are you sure?"

Dean smiled surprised, for one moment he thought Castiel would say no, Dean kissed Castiel against the wall and while looking at his deep blue eyes Dean whispered "Yes"

"Then, Yes... Dean" Said Castiel holding the amulet in this hand. Castiel knew that wasn't the end, but it was the beginning of a new live with Dean.

* * *

_The End_


End file.
